


my heart is a ghost town

by MissMairin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Background Character Death, Background Relationships, Character Development, Dysfunctional Family, Ensemble Cast, Friendship, Minor Character(s), Minor Violence, Multi, Survival
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-04-19 02:24:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4729199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMairin/pseuds/MissMairin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don't ever say the word zombie. That was an unspoken rule for the survivors. No, those who took the stimulants weren't zombies. They were Ghosts. Old remnants of family members, friends, lovers that didn't exist anymore. They were all dead, Ghosts of the people they used to be, haunting the streets in packs, looking for their next prey. </p><p>Kei had known many Ghosts. His parents, his friends, even his own brother. But, if there was one person he wouldn't allow become a Ghost, it was Tadashi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. thiskidisnotalright

**Author's Note:**

> three things:  
> 1\. be aware: there is some gore/violence! not that much tho, just the normal amount that comes with a zombie apocalypse. however, there will be major character death. read at your own caution  
> 2\. this is my first attempt at any type of angsty fic. please let me know if there's anything i could do better, i would appreciate it  
> 3\. basically inspired by Ghost Town by Adam Lambert; if you haven't heard the song, you should probably go listen to it.  
> thank you and enjoy

_Everything was swirling and black, flashes of other colors blinding him. He heard a familiar voice calling his name. His brother. From then on, he knew it was a dream. Or maybe a memory. Anything but reality, because the reality was that his brother was long gone. Maybe not dead, but definitely gone. Focusing on the voice, the image of his brother became clearer and he recognized the scene from his memory immediately. The last time he saw his brother, before that idiot scientist in Washington D.C. screwed everything up. Back when he was still happy, when he still had his brother._

_“Jeez, Kei, are you even listening to me?”_

_Akiteru was looking at him with soft eyes and a playful expression. (If only he knew that would have been the last time he would smile like that. The memory continued, despite Kei’s best efforts to ignore it.) Kei scoffed in response._

_“I knew it,” Akiteru sighed, flicking his little brother on the forehead. He smiled again and whined, “Kei, you never listen to me anymore, even though my stories are great.”_

_Kei rolled his eyes. Crossing his arms, he refused to make eye contact and instead said, “Your stories are exaggerated, and some of them are even completely made up. You can’t impress me with fake stories, Akiteru.”_

_“Ahh, you’re such a teenager,” he teased, ruffling Kei’s hair. He stood up to leave, before pausing in the doorway and turning to face his brother. “I love you, you know?”_

_Kei pointedly looked away and didn’t respond. (He should have. God, he should have. He should have told his brother just how much he loved him, how much he looked up to Akiteru, but he didn’t.) Akiteru breathed out of his nose, forcing a chuckle. Then he was gone, and the memory changed. (Kei knew what came next. It always came next, without fail. The memory was what made his dreams a nightmare instead.)_

_The swirling colors came back, and Kei felt nauseous, even if it wasn’t real. The colors slowed, evening out, and the new memory came into focus. Akiteru was standing over him, his eyes wild with fear, clutching onto Kei’s shoulders. He was yelling something, but it wasn’t until he chanted his name over and over that the sound became intelligible._

_“Kei … Kei, are you listening to me? The stimulant they said on the news, the one that … changes people. I’ve been using it for months now. I’m so sorry, Kei. I love you, but you need to leave, before I hurt you. Go, find Tadashi, and … stay safe. Please, Kei. Go.”_

_Kei was shaking his head furiously, refusing to believe anything his brother spouted. His eyes were filled with tears and snot was running down his face. (Kei cringed, how gross.) Everything mean he had ever told his brother was filtering through his still-innocent mind, and here Akiteru was, trying to be a hero and save him. What an idiot._

_“No! Akiteru, I won’t leave without you! You’re still okay, you’re not one of them yet! Maybe … maybe you’re immune, maybe it won’t hurt you. Please don’t make me leave without you. I love you too, Akiteru, please don’t …”_

_The echo of I love you too lingered in the air, and Akiteru was silent for a moment. His mouth twitched into as much of a smile as could be possible in such a situation. It didn’t last long. The smile twisted into a terrible frown, and he became paler by the moment. (Kei understood what that meant, even then.)_

_“Kei -- Kei, you’ve got -- urghh -- you’ve got to go right now -- I don’t feel so -- I feel -- Mom and dad are -- ugh -- already gone -- please just -- go … -- before I … -- Kei …”_

_“Akiteru! No! Please don’t … I love you …”_

_If Kei could have chanted I love you over and over, and it would have saved his brother, he would have. If Kei could have said I love you just one more time, he would have. If Kei could have gone back in time and told his brother that he loved him too, he would have. But he couldn’t have._

_When sweat began trickling down Akiteru’s face, and his pupils dilated inhumanely wide, Kei knew he had to go. He knew, and yet … he stood frozen, trying to memorize anything he could about his brother._

_Akiteru pushed him out of the door, screaming at him to run, to leave and never come back. Kei stumbled, turning to his brother. His eyes widened in horror as he watched Akiteru rip a piece of flesh off his own arm with his teeth, slowly stepping closer to Kei. The only explanation was that he was trying to protect Kei, even at the last moment, even when he was turning, even when he was dying …_

_With one last effort, Akiteru yelled for him to go, leave._

_“Go!!”_

_It was probably the only time Kei ever truly listened to his brother. He turned away, tears streaming down his face, still hearing the dry heaves and moans from his brother. Everywhere he looked, people had bits of flesh ripped off their bodies, people were pale and horrifying. He sprinted down the street, determined to find the only person besides Akiteru he had ever cared for._

_Kei felt a hand on his shoulder, and he screamed, stumbling, and then he was falling. Falling, screaming and falling. He screamed one last time, for all the horrors in the world and, most of all, for his brother. His lungs burning, he screamed --_

 

“Kei! Kei, you’re fine! It was just a dream,” a soft voice soothed him, bringing him back to reality. Kei was sweating and breathing heavily. He looked around wildly, before finally focusing on the body that was holding him.

 

“Tadashi,” Kei breathed. Of course it was Tadashi. Who else would it have been? Akiteru was gone. His parents were dead. All their friends had retreated to god-knows-where. But Tadashi was here, they were together, and the dead don’t respond to their name.

 

“I’m here,” Tadashi said, rubbing circles into his back. He nuzzled Kei’s neck, murmuring soft nothings until he calmed down a bit. “The same nightmare?”

 

Kei nodded jerkily, trying to slow his heartbeat. It was the same damn nightmare, day after day. Even though months had passed, it was still the same. Tadashi sighed and eased them both back onto their makeshift beds.

 

“Try to sleep again, okay?”

 

Kei nodded again, but knew he wouldn’t sleep, he would end up thinking too much about everything. Tadashi knew that, too. The nightmare always kept Kei up, and he could only ever sleep if he was dead tired. Next to him, Tadashi had already fallen back to sleep, curled up into his side. Kei huffed, but couldn’t bring himself to be mean enough to wake his best friend up again. God knew he deserved the rest, everyone deserved a peaceful sleep after what had happened.

 

At least life was getting easier. The more time that passed, the less people that were being turned, the less people that became … inhuman. Kei refused to use the word zombie. It was such a disgusting word and it sounded like something out of a movie rather than a terrible situation that really happened. It felt disrespectful to call people, relatives, friends, lovers that turned such a shameful word.

 

Apparently, that was a feeling that most people shared, he soon found out.

 

The weeks that followed Akiteru’s turning and society’s downfall, Tadashi and Kei stumbled upon small groups of people hiding out in different places. The smart ones hunkered down in giant superstores, or grocery stores. Others tried their best at a normal life, staying in their house, locking the doors. A small portion of people became the defense system. They went around killing the people that had turned, with whatever they had. The most popular weapons were guns, considering the only way to kill them were via the brain.

 

After a while, all of them agreed on what to call the people that turned: the Ghosts. It made sense. When a person turned, their previous self died. They weren’t considered human anymore. They lost all their memories and anything connected to their previous lives. Basically, they were dead, and yet, they still wandered the streets.

 

They were Ghosts.

 

The cause of Ghosts was a scientist meddling with an idea of a stimulant when they shouldn’t have been. The stimulant, used only in a popular energy drink brand and a specific type of coffee, was supposed to tap into the brain, helping them speed up and make a person be able to think quicker. The scientist claimed that the energy drink was the newest breakthrough in keeping someone’s mind working.

 

The energy drink and coffee worked for a while. Test scores soared, people had more intelligent conversations, with less awkward pauses, and people were able to be more productive. College students especially enjoyed the energy drink and coffee, working well into the night to finish an essay.

 

A year later, assault reports and death tolls spiked. The only thing all the cases had in common was the energy drink. It turned out that the scientist had been messing around with non-human DNA to make the stimulant included in the drinks, and anyone who used the stimulant more than a couple times lost their will to be human, only to be replaced by primal instincts to kill.

 

It was ironic, how something made specifically to be a stimulant turned people into mindless predators.

 

That day, when Akiteru turned, everything went to hell. May 7th, 2015, something was triggered in the brain of those who regularly used the energy drink. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention had been trying for weeks to figure out how long it took for the primal instinct to kick in. They had, on May 6th, told the world about the stimulant which they dubbed as _caput mortuum_ , literally “dead head.”

 

If only the CDC had knew it would have been the very next day. No one knew why it happened at once. Before, it happened to a few people at a time. But nothing like May 7th, stupidly named Z-Day where everyone that had ingested the stimulant often lost their humanity and fell to _caput mortuum._

 

Tadashi sighed next to Kei, snuggling closer to him, almost as a reminder than he wasn’t the only one to lose family. Tadashi lost everyone, too. Everyone except Kei.

 

The two of them had gathered as much food and other necessities as possible and ran away together. They had been living on their own for months, every once in a while teaming up with another group, but never staying. At first, they had just tried running from the Ghosts. After all, they were slower, their limbs stiff from less blood flow, and they were easily outran. But there were so many, and the Ghosts were _smart._ They knew to team up with other Ghosts, like packs of wild animals and drive their prey into a corner. Soon, it wasn’t enough just to run.

 

They had to fight back.

 

Kei stretched his hand out, feeling around for his iPod, one of the remaining items he owned. He slipped on his headphones and played his music, wrapping an arm around Tadashi, trying to forget his problems. Only, it wasn’t that easy.

 

He remembered the first time he killed a Ghost. It was about a month after Z-Day and they were running out of food. They had searched for a grocery store and finally found one that wasn’t completely picked clean. That was their first mistake: it had been a trap. A Ghost had cornered Tadashi, and the next thing Kei had realized was that Tadashi was screaming. Kei had sprinted for his life, for Tadashi’s life. With the knife that he kept close to him at all times, Kei stabbed it into the Ghost’s head, cringing at the gross sound it made, even in his memory. The knife was stuck, but soon, the Ghost fell to the ground and ceased movement.

 

Kei had ran to Tadashi, scooping him into a hug. Both of them were crying, murmuring anything and everything to each other. That was when they realized how vulnerable they were. They knew they would have to learn to fight back. Before they left, they stocked up on food, determined not to be scared off. They’d starve to death before they’d let a Ghost kill them and turn them into a Ghost.

 

Three weeks later, they met Kuroo and Kenma. Kei and Tadashi traded food and other supplies for a gun for Kei, and a bow and arrow for Tadashi. They traded information. Where Ghosts were congregating. Where there were underground groups. Who was defending, and who was still farming and making supplies. Tadashi taught Kenma how to dress a wound; Kenma taught Tadashi how to deal with an anxiety attack. Kuroo taught Kei how to shoot; Kei taught Kuroo which plants were deadly and which were useful.

 

A week after that, Kuroo and Kenma were gone without a trace. They left only a radio.

 

People filtered in and out of their lives, with Tadashi as the only constant. As the months wore on, the number of Ghosts slowly began to dwindle, thanks to those killing them, and the knowledge about what turned someone and what didn’t. The Ghosts didn’t move unless they were in packs, and that might have been the most unsettling thing yet.

 

Unlike the movies, the people surviving were intelligent. They used radio stations and other communication, relaying any new information they got. Kei now knew that someone could only become a Ghost if a Ghost bit that person. Scratches didn’t do anything, neither did being touched by any bodily fluid of the Ghost.

 

Somewhere out there, there were more scientists working hard, trying to figure out a way to turn the Ghosts back to human. Deep down, Kei knew it wouldn’t make a difference, not unless they were all killed. Even if Ghosts could be turned back, everyone realized they wouldn’t have any of the same memories.

 

“Kei …” Tadashi whimpered in his sleep, a grave reminder that this was far from over. They still had to survive. They still had to fight the Ghosts, even if the Ghosts had been someone’s mom, someone’s brother, maybe a lover. It was nearing the end of autumn, and Kei was nervous for the winter. They would need to stock up on food and find somewhere safe to bunker down for a while. “Kei …”

 

“I’m here, Tadashi,” Kei said, stroking his best friend’s hair. “I’m here, you don’t need to worry. I won’t let them get you, I promise. I won’t leave you. Never.”

  
Kei had long lost count of how many Ghosts he had killed.


	2. life goes on

_Good morning, and hello, you’re listening to the daily report. Today is Friday, November 27th, 2015, for those that like knowing what the date is. The weather should be mild, it would be smart to take advantage of the weather and stock up on supplies. A cold front moves in the next week, and it is believed that winter will be in full swing after that._

_In Districts 31a, 31b, 34, 39, and 40 of Sector 1 farmers are hard at work and are believed to have fresh food. If you are desperately in need of food, they will be willing to trade. Otherwise, it is the best idea to leave them be until all the crops are able to grow more, hopefully surviving the winter._

_The Ghost death report for the week is back. Defense groups across the region have targeted the Ghost raids in Sector 2 and 3. There is said to be no Ghosts remaining, and are clear for people needing to travel through those areas for now. However, Sector 8 is now designated as a Ghost Town. I repeat, Sector 8 is a Ghost Town and is unsafe for anyone until further notice. Sector 12 is still under a Ghost Watch, and will likely become a Ghost Town within the next week._

_The Seijou Division will be meeting at District 22 of Sector 1 over the weekend to prepare to move out to take back Sector 4 completely. Captain Tooru Oikawa is requesting back up. I repeat, Seijou will meet at District 42 of Sector 1._

_The Fukurodani Division is targeting the Ghosts of Sector 14 as we speak. Please keep them and Captain Koutarou Bokuto in your prayers. God knows we need all the help we can get. Another Division, name unknown, have supposedly finished cleaning up the majority of Sector 13, but it is advised to stay away for a few days._

_That is all the updates as of today. Remember to check back in tomorrow for our weekly moment of silence. Have a good day, and remember, don’t die --_

 

Kei grumbled, turning the annoying radio off. If there was anything that irritated him more than the stupid saying and _remember, don’t die,_ then he hadn’t found it yet. Tadashi smiled at him sympathetically, understanding what was bothering him.

 

“We need to get going,” Kei said instead, rather than talk about his feelings. Tadashi nodded and stood up, gathering their belongings.

 

Just like the radio had told them, they were going to scavenge for food and hopefully stock up on enough to survive them for a good portion of the winter. Tadashi slung his backpack over both his shoulders and neatly arranged his bow and arrow around his arm. Kei wore two backpacks, one in the front, one in the back, and held his gun. They both had knives stashed throughout their body, as well. Their weapons weren’t necessary since there were only a few stragglers of Ghosts where they’d be traveling through, but they could never be too careful.

 

“Ready?” Tadashi asked. Kei nodded, pulling out their map. They studied it for a moment, deciding on Sector 13. It was the closest Sector, encompassing a big city. It didn’t matter what District, as long as they would be able to be in the city. Even though the radio had told people to stay away, if they were the first ones there, they’d have the best pick for anything there. Hopefully they’d even get a car. Besides, whatever Division that was in Sector 13 couldn’t have done that bad of a job, right?

 

Kei slipped his hand into Tadashi’s and pulled them towards the door. They needed to leave if they wanted to get to the Sector before dark. “Alright, let’s go.”

 

They walked for several hours, taking breaks here and there to look at their map, and get something to eat. If Tadashi hadn’t been there, Kei would have gotten lost long ago. Just yet another thing he never thought he’d appreciate about his best friend. They held hands the entire time they walked. The gesture might have looked intimate to anyone else, but they knew it was so they couldn’t be separated.

 

One time, in the middle of summer, Kei had been walking in front of Tadashi. They hadn’t been talking. The next thing he knew, he looked back, and Tadashi was gone. Everything bad that could possibly happen jumped to mind. What if a Ghost got him? Had he been kidnapped and all his items stolen? Kei hated it, he felt like he lost a part of himself.

 

When had Tadashi became a part of him, he didn’t know.

  
Fortunately, Tadashi had just wandered off because he saw a dog. Figures. Ever since then, though, and that fear, Kei refused to go anywhere without a physical connection to him. It might have been paranoia and it might have been restricting, but it made him feel better.

 

So, they held hands.

 

Kei was brought out of his memory when Tadashi stopped in his tracks. He turned to his friend, about to ask what was the matter, when he realized that it was dusk, and there was something eerily creepy about the town they had just entered. They both knew they were in some District of Sector 13, like they had planned, but something was off.

 

“Let’s just get some stuff and leave,” Kei said, trying to seem braver than he actually felt. He could feel Tadashi tremble next to him, but they needed to get food. They had eaten the remaining bits of their food for lunch that day, and the farming Sectors and Districts were too far away. They needed food and they needed it from Sector 13. “Come on, let’s go.”

 

Kei moved forward, pulling Tadashi along behind him. Every step they took, it seemed like it was getting darker. Just another reason to hate winter: shorter days. Kei sighed and shook his head, determined to get what they came for. He led them down a small street and to a grocery store, which, luckily, was unlocked. They ducked inside and began to fill up their backpacks with necessities when a loud crash was heard.

 

Tadashi froze, whimpering, and Kei cursed himself.

 

More crashes and bangs came from outside the store, and Kei knew instinctively they needed to leave now, before they were trapped inside. He yanked on Tadashi, pulling him out of the store, looking both ways before darting to the left. Maybe luck would be on their side for once, and the Ghosts were the other way.

 

Luck was not on their side.

 

Neither was the layout of the city, apparently. Within two minutes, Kei and Tadashi found themselves trapped by a raid of nearly 30 Ghosts at a dead end. The stores on either side of them were locked, and a car was blocking the alley way. That was when Kei knew they were truly doomed.

 

He hugged his best friend tight, once, before stepping in front of Tadashi, prepared to take as many of the Ghosts down as possible. Kei took out his gun and Tadashi knocked an arrow. They wouldn’t go down without a fight. After all, the fight was ingrained into their senses, it was merely an instinct at that point.

 

The Ghosts advanced.

 

“CLOSE YOUR EYES!” A deep voice screamed from somewhere above them. For whatever reason, Kei and Tadashi complied. Maybe because the voice was obviously human, or maybe they just wanted to be saved. A car engine revved, the one behind them. From behind his eyelids, Kei recognized a flash of a bright light, and then it was gone. It must have been the headlights from the car. He opened his eyes again, and two thirds of the Ghosts were disoriented, stumbling around.

 

The other third … ?

 

Well, they were on the ground, arrows through their head. Six of the arrows had white ribbons attached to the end and four had black. Kei didn’t have time to contemplate what that meant before a flash of orange came in, bouncing around, decapitating at least four, if not five, Ghosts in a row. They fell to the ground, dead as their partners. Blood seeped into the ground, staining the concrete.

 

The pair stood still, shocked and unable to fully grasp the situation. Was this the unnamed division on the radio? They had to be, but … weren’t the Ghosts supposed to be killed by then? Kei didn’t bother thinking of an answer, rather, he turned his attention to the remaining Ghosts. He was angry, disappointed in himself and everything else, and he began to take it out on the Ghosts.

 

He took Tadashi’s hand again, squeezed it once, let go, and they fought together, for what may have been the last time. Kei carefully aimed his gun, slowly taking out Ghosts. That was one thing he had learned, one of the most important things Kuroo had drilled into his mind: _do not waste bullets._

The flash of orange paused, hanging on to a particular stocky Ghost’s back, when another voice screamed, “Hinata, behind you!”

 

The flash of orange quickly stabbed the stocky Ghost through the head and whirled around, facing a Ghost that had snuck up on him, only for the Ghost to crumple to the ground and bleed out. He looked up at the top of the building and yelled, “Thanks, Kageyama!”

 

Kei and Tadashi followed the gaze of the flash of orange to the top of the building. There was a lanky, dark haired guy on the roof with a sniper rifle. Oh. That made sense. While the sniper, Kageyama, apparently, began to pick Ghosts off one by one, Tadashi brought down some of his own Ghosts. Yet another Ghost attempted to sneak up on the flash of orange, but Tadashi wasn’t about to let anything happen to one of their saviors. He let an arrow fly and it hit the Ghost, square in the forehead. Blood trickled down from the wound for only a moment until the Ghost collapsed and fell to the ground.

 

The flash of orange was the only person within the battle, besides Kei and Tadashi, but that didn’t matter. He was taking out just as many Ghosts as those using the long range tactics.

 

More and more bodies fell to the ground. Arrows with different colors of ribbons littered the area, along with Tadashi’s special type of arrows. Blood was splattered on the concrete from the Ghosts that had been stabbed, and blood seeped out of the brains of the bodies who had been shot.

 

Within five minutes, the raid of Ghosts were defeated. It looked like a battlefield and it took all of Kei’s control not to throw up right then and there. He felt Tadashi wrap a comforting arm around him and lead him away from the carnage to the open area and a few benches.  

 

Purposefully or not, the unnamed Division gathered in front of them. They checked up on each person, making sure no one was hurt. The guy with the orange hair had been scratched on the arm. A tall, intimidating man with his hair in a bun began to wrap the wound and then, everyone was quiet. They turned their attention to the odd couple out. A broad shouldered, dark-haired man watched them. Kei felt a chill, and he knew they were being eyed up by the captain of the Division.  

 

“I thought you guys were finished with this sector!” Kei snarled, defending themselves before the Division even said anything. He was beyond pissed. They didn’t do their job properly and Tadashi might have died. He had long ago decided he’d do everything in his power to keep his best friend alive.

 

The group in front of them at least had the decency to look sheepish, except for Kageyama, who Kei took an immediate disliking to. The captain frowned and took a step forward, taking in Kei and Tadashi’s appearance. Eventually, he carefully responded, “We were. Another Ghost raid came from an outer District of the Sector. Besides … the radio said to stay away for a while. Why didn’t you listen?”

 

Kei scowled, glancing at Tadashi. They both knew not to say anything. For all they knew about the Division, they could have been a rogue Division, or even a thief Division. Kei and Tadashi didn’t have much, but they didn’t want to be left with even less. The less they said, the better.

 

The man next to the captain smiled at the pair. He had silver hair and a beauty mark, and despite everything, Kei felt himself relax around whoever this man was. He definitely didn’t appreciate that. The silver haired man stepped forward, in line with the captain and snapped his fingers in realization.

 

“You guys came for supplies early, didn’t you?” The man asked, nodding to himself, like it was something he would have done. He tucked his hair behind his ear and said, “Don’t worry, we have a whole bunch of supplies back at base, if you want to come with us. We planned to comb this area thoroughly tomorrow, since it’s already dark. Ah, I’m Suga, by the way, and this is Captain Daichi Sawamura. He’s a bit scary, but really, he’s a sweetheart.”

 

Daichi scoffed, crossing his arms.

 

Kei and Tadashi exchanged a look. They knew better to fall for something so … nice. No one was nice anymore, especially if it meant surviving or dying. But there was something about Suga that made both of them want to trust them. Tadashi stepped forward shyly and said, “We really shouldn’t.”

 

“Oh, but you should!” Suga replied, clapping his hands in excitement. “I bet it’s been a long time since you two have had a real meal. Kinoshita and Yachi made pasta from the supplies we got yesterday. We even have juice, which is a nice change from the gross water we’ve been drinking.”

 

Kei looked wary, but his stomach betrayed him with a growl. Tadashi chuckled and glanced at his best friend like, _well, what’s the worst that could happen? They did save us, after all._  

 

The worst that could happen was that the Division could murder them and steal all their stuff, leaving their bodies for the Ghosts. But he didn’t say anything of that. Instead, he sighed, and Tadashi knew that he had won. 

 

“Okay, but if there’s any funny business, I won’t hesitate to kill any of you,” Kei threatened, but no one seemed to take it to heart. They just laughed. Tadashi slipped a hand into his and he instantly relaxed. Excuses filtered into his mind. Maybe it _would_ be nice to get a real meal instead of the fake food they had been living off of.

 

The group broke into different conversations, heading off into one direction. Suga and Daichi walked next to the pair, making polite conversation. A few others joined the Division with flashlights as they made their way back to the base. They updated the Captain something about how their explosives were coming.

 

Kei didn’t want to hear anything else.

 

Tadashi seemed to get along well with everyone, especially the flash of orange, who was apparently named Hinata. Hinata had jumped on Tadashi’s back, thanking him for nailing those Ghosts that were trying to sneak up on him. Kei watched with mild interest as Tadashi blushed, waving the compliment off.

 

The captain cleared his throat next to Kei, and he jumped slightly. He eyed the captain out of the corner of his eye, still suspicious of such a person.

 

“You guys must go way back,” Daichi commented offhandedly.

 

Kei turned his expression back to uninterested and shrugged.

 

“I guess so.”

 

Daichi watched Kei, his eyes searching for … something. He didn’t seem to find what he was looking for, as he turned away and instead watched his Division talk amongst themselves. Suga came back and nudged Daichi’s shoulder, thankfully saving Kei from any more awkward conversations.

 

A few minutes later, Kei felt a cold stare on his back. He turned around to see Kageyama sizing him up, and his mouth naturally curled into a frown. There was something about this guy that was both familiar and irritating.

 

“What do you want?”

 

Kageyama jumped, startled by the sudden venom in his voice. His eyes narrowed and he shrugged, looking away. Kei didn’t miss the way his hand curled tighter on his sniper rifle. In turn, Kei rested his hand on the gun hooked to his belt.

 

Their interaction ended there when Hinata and Tadashi came up to Kei to bother him. The orange head was really small, but seemed very fast and flexible. He bounced up and down in front of Kei, impressed by something or another. It didn’t matter.

 

“Uwahh, you’re so tall and intimidating! I bet you’ve taken out a lot of Ghosts. What’s your record?” Hinata asked, walking backwards to keep his attention on Kei. Tadashi smiled and nodded at Kei, maybe telling him to answer the question.

 

“I lost count months ago,” Kei answered irritably, pushing past Hinata and Tadashi. The road was becoming less pavement and more like gravel, and he realized they had entered a private property. It almost looked like a school. He followed the group and ignored when Hinata ran in front of him, eyes bright with awe.

 

“Just give me a number. It doesn’t have to be right, or even close! I want to know if you’ve killed more than Kageyama has, because he’s ranked in the top ten for most Ghost kills!”

 

“Stop talking about Ghost kills like this is a fucking _video game!_ ” Kei snarled, shoving Hinata away from him. When the man looked surprised, he growled, “Those people are someone’s family. They were someone’s friend, someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend. And you have the audacity to think this is a game? You’re pathetic.”

 

Hinata’s enthusiasm wavered, and Tadashi had to hold himself back from stepping in. He knew this was between those two. Everyone else in the Division had continued forward to give them some privacy, except for Kageyama, who was watching intently. Hinata’s top lip quivered, and Kei knew he had hit a nerve, but it didn’t matter. Everyone was bothering him, they were all being nice, and he hated it.

 

“I just … if I think of them as real people, I can’t kill them,” he said softly, tugging at his hair anxiously. “And if I can’t kill them … I can’t protect the people I want to protect.”

 

Kei’s frown faltered momentarily. He huffed and rolled his eyes, walking away to catch up with the group. Usually, he would have retorted with someone unnecessarily mean, but he knew how Hinata felt. If it meant protecting Tadashi, then he’d kill all the Ghosts in the world. He knew they weren’t people anymore, but it didn’t make it any easier.

 

He recognized Tadashi’s voice behind him, whispering something to Hinata. Probably an apology. But Kei still didn’t care, they wouldn’t be staying with these people for very long. He’d make damn sure of that.

 

A giant building entered their view, and Kei instinctively knew it was the Division's base. There were hardly any windows for Ghosts to enter through, and there was only one, metal door. It was a smart place to make a base in.

 

Daichi walked up to the door first and unlocked it with the keys from his pocket. He pushed open the door and the group shuffled in, one at a time. When Kei and Tadashi were next, he politely said, “Welcome to Karasuno.”

 

Kei walked through the doorway and his shoes squeaked loudly on the floor. His mouth dropped. Even with all the beds and living areas, the couches, the tables and a little cooking area, it was hard to disguise what type of building it was. The lines on the floor were a dead give-away.

  
Karasuno’s base was a fucking _gymnasium._


	3. decisions, decisions

_Colors swirled in every direction and every shade. They made different shapes, they became people. Eventually, his vision evened out and the memory became clear. Kei’s dream had put him back when he was first beginning to survive with Tadashi. Two days, maybe three, after Akiteru had left. Back when everything was still chaos, when no one knew anything. When it was still easy to be killed._

_Kei didn’t remember exactly what memory it was, but he knew it was a memory._

_They had found an old friend of Tadashi’s, who was running from Ghosts, unsure of what to do. Despite Kei’s irritation with Hikaru, they had teamed up, trying to escape the big city filled with Ghosts. (In hindsight, Kei knew it was a bad idea.)_

_Tadashi got along well with him. Kei hated it, but it didn’t matter. They worked together, dodging and running from the Ghosts to get to the outer area of the city. Everything had been going fine until they were cornered by an unusually hostile raid of seven Ghosts. (Kei wanted to yell to his dream self that they shouldn’t go that way. But it never worked. Without fail, his memory continued.)_

_They were surrounded. They tried to get away, but they were literally backed up against a wall. Kei’s mind had worked in overdrive, trying to think how they could survive that without any weapons. Nothing. The only piece of information that popped into his mind was that there was a man going around, saving people and killing Ghosts. They called him the King of the Ghosts._

_(Kei was never religious, but he remembered in that moment that he prayed to all the gods he could think of.) Save us. Save Tadashi. It doesn’t matter if you save me, but God, please save Tadashi. King of the Ghosts._

_Anyone._

_The Ghosts stumbled forward, readying to attack their group of three. A gunshot. Then another, and another. Ghosts fell to the ground, bleeding out. Kei closed his eyes. He couldn’t bear to see the carnage, he didn’t want to see what would happen, what was happening. There was six gunshots that Kei counted, leaving one Ghost alive._

_“Fuck!” a panicked voice yelled. Kei remembered instantly disliking the voice, without much reason. “I’m out of bullets! One of you has got to get the last one!”_

_Kei opened his eyes, looking around. The voice was right, they had to kill the last Ghost if they wanted to get out of there alive. (Kei should have been the one to kill the Ghost. He could have saved --) Hikaru bellowed a war cry, and jumped on the back of the remaining Ghost. He had no weapons, but he could still crack the Ghost’s skull._

_It was over within a minute. Hikaru had bashed the Ghost’s skull in. But he didn’t come out of the fight unphased. Kei remembered Tadashi gasping next to him, and he followed his gaze to Hikaru’s arm. There was a bit of flesh ripped off, and an indent of teeth._

_No. NO._

_Kei felt faint._

_“You’ve got to kill him,” the voice from before said. A man, around their age, stepped forward. The shadows from the trees obscured his face, but Kei knew it was the King of the Ghosts. There wasn’t anyone else it could be. “You’ve got to kill him, before he changes.”_

_Tadashi looked stricken. (Kei knew, now, that that face would become a regular expression. He hated it, but it was there.) He looked back and forth, between his friends. He stared at the flesh off of Hikaru. He stared at Hikaru. Tadashi shook his head, mumbling, “No … I can’t do that. Hikaru …”_

_“Tadashi,” Hikaru said, shooting him an incredibly fake smile. He glared at the flesh missing from his arm. It was obvious that he knew what needed to happen, but it was hard to accept death. Death. He’d have to die. “You need to kill me. I don’t want to hurt anyone else, but I’m glad I could save you, Tadashi. Even you, Kei.”_

_Hikaru chuckled at his own joke, trying to lighten the mood._

_It didn’t work._

_“Hurry up, before he changes,” the King of the Ghosts interrupted. Kei felt a flare of irritation at this man, this teenage boy. How dare he? How dare he try to rush such a delicate moment? Tadashi’s friend was about to be killed, and this asshole had the nerve to try to hurry it up?_

_No one moved, and no one said anything. Hikaru was silently crying, tears streaming down his face. (Kei should have been nicer to him.) The King of the Ghosts sighed and huffed, stepping forward. He had a knife in his hand and snarled, “If none of you are going to kill him, then I will.”_

_It happened so quickly that Kei wasn’t sure he saw it. Hikaru was on the ground, a slash on his throat bleeding profusely. Tadashi let out a sob, standing still in the same position he had since they got into that mess._

_Kei hated The King of the Ghosts. He hated him, from the very bottom of his soul. The man could have been so much better, he could have been more sensitive, he could have given the group more time to say goodbye. But he didn’t. He slashed Hikaru’s throat without so much as an ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘Goodbye’._

_Kei felt Tadashi tremble next to him, and he pulled him to his side. They held each other, Kei staring at Hikaru’s now lifeless body. His tears had begun to dry up, and the blood stopped flowing. Kei ripped his gaze from the body and instead glared at the murderer who had finally stepped out of the shadows. The King of the Ghosts slowly turned to face the couple. It was unmistakable who it was._

 

“Kageyama!” Kei snarled the second he woke up. Tadashi blinked wearily from his place in the sleeping bag, obviously confused. He watched as Kei stood up and stalked over to Kageyama’s sleeping bag. Kei kicked the lump in the sleeping bag much harder than necessary and screamed, “You killed Hikaru, you son of a bitch!”

 

Tadashi was at his side within seconds, and the entire gym began to wake up slowly. He slipped his hand into Kei’s, but he ripped it away. Tadashi’s face fell, but quickly changed his expression to be neutral. Kageyama had sat up, standing to be at Kei’s eye level. Tadashi ignored him. “What happened, Kei?”

 

“This … this asshole here, he’s King of the Ghosts,” Kei growled, pointing angrily at Kageyama. He waited patiently for the idea to click in Tadashi’s mind. Realization dawned on him, and Tadashi’s expression twisted in emotion. Kei hated it. “He killed Hikaru!”

 

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

 

Kageyama rubbed his eyes, preparing to fight Kei, but he had no idea what was going on. The rest of Karasuno had woken up and Daichi was doing his best to push past the group and be captain.

 

“May 10th, you fucking bastard. You were already going around on your high horse, saving people and killing Ghosts. Well, guess what? You failed that day, and you killed one of our friends. You … you’re a murderer,” Kei answered angrily, his hands wildly waving in the air.

 

Kageyama’s face darkened, and Kei knew he had hit a cord. But it didn’t matter. He was The King of the Ghosts and Kei was pissed.

 

Daichi stepped in between Kageyama and Kei, obviously to stop the fight, but Suga had pulled him back. Out of the corner of his eyes, Kei could see Suga shake his head no. Kei puffed his chest out, knowing that he would be able to handle this mess without repercussions. He continued his rant, annoyed with the shrillness of his voice, “Hikaru got bitten by a Ghost you didn’t kill, and you know what you did? You didn’t let us say goodbye, you slashed his fucking throat.”

 

Kageyama didn’t respond. He looked away, ignoring that a crowd had formed around their confrontation. He could feel Kei’s glare, and they stood silent for what felt like forever. Tadashi whimpered, but covered it up with a cough and broke the silence.

 

“You know, Kei, that he had to die,” Tadashi said sympathetically. He held hands with Kei again, and this time, he wasn’t rejected. Thankfully. Maybe yelling got his emotions out of his system. Tadashi had never seen Kei this angry. He rubbed his thumb over Kei’s knuckles and smiled softly when his breath evened out. “You know that, right? Deep down. It was better that Kageyama took care of him. You know neither of us could have done it.”

 

Daichi sensed the change in the atmosphere and quickly pushed everyone away. It became really intimate and he knew he shouldn’t let everyone trample on such a moment. He shooed everyone away, threatening extra chores to Tanaka and Nishinoya if they didn’t leave them alone.

 

Tadashi sighed, grateful. He watched Kei with calculating eyes and took a step closer to his best friend. In a soft voice, he continued, “Kei. He’s not the only one with blood on his hands. Kageyama saved us from those Ghosts that one time, and that’s that. He saved us, even if that meant killing Hikaru. Please, Kei, leave it alone.”

 

Kei huffed, dropping his glare from Kageyama. They were quiet again for a while, and Kei turned to leave. He was stopped by Kageyama’s voice.

 

“I’m sorry, you know. I didn’t want to kill him, but neither of you were going to.”

 

Kei paused. He didn’t bother turning back to Kageyama to answer. Turning his head slightly, Kei mumbled, “Just because I’m not beating the shit out of you doesn’t mean I forgive you.”

 

“Believe me, I know,” Kageyama huffed lightly. He nodded towards Tadashi, who forced a smile back at him. Kei began to walk away, and Kageyama called after him, “I’ve changed, if that means anything to you.”

 

“It doesn’t,” Kei replied over his shoulder, and he was gone, somewhere away from the gymnasium.

 

* * *

 

 

A knock on the lockers caught Kei’s attention, and he looked up to see Tadashi. He turned his attention back to glaring a hole in the lockers. After his confrontation with Kageyama, he had wandered the area. He had found the locker rooms, the bathrooms, and a few offices. Eventually he settled down in the locker room, resting peacefully.

 

“Did you do that?” Tadashi asked, referring to the dick drawn on Kageyama’s locker.

 

Well, maybe not entirely peacefully.

 

Kei nodded once, hiding his smile. Tadashi laughed, a sound Kei was sure he hadn’t heard in weeks. He missed it so much. He missed the times before Z-Day, when everything was fine and the most he had to worry about was test scores. He missed when Tadashi laughed and insincerely told him he was sorry. He missed telling Tadashi to shut up, when really, Kei was just embarrassed.

 

Tadashi walked over to him, sitting down on the bench. He leaned his head on Kei’s shoulder, and let out a heavy sigh. Breathing slowly, Tadashi murmured, “I miss it too.”

 

Kei raised his eyebrows in surprise. It figured that he knew what was going on in Kei’s mind. They had known each other for the majority of their lives. They knew each other back and forth, so it wouldn’t be much of a stretch to be psychic.

 

“I’m not psychic,” Tadashi grinned, “Your emotions are showing, Kei.”

 

He scowled in response, trying to seem uninterested by everything. Tadashi just laughed again. A second laugh, that was rare. “What are you so happy for?”

 

“Well, we’re alive right now. Is that not a reason to be happy?” Tadashi answered without looking at Kei. He picked at his fingernails anxiously, obviously trying to figure out what to say next. Kei stayed silent, letting his friend pick his words wisely. “It’s just … this place is perfect for us. We can survive winter easily if we stay here with these people.”

 

Kei didn’t respond. He rarely responded, and Tadashi knew that. Tadashi sighed and removed his head from his best friend’s shoulder. He patted Kei’s shoulder lightly and told him, “Yachi made food. Apparently, she made her famous casseroles, whatever that means. Please come and eat, Kei.”

 

When Kei still didn’t respond, refusing to meet Tadashi’s eyes, he sighed again. He watched Kei for a moment with a sad smile and turned away, hoping for him to call out for him to wait. No such thing came, and Tadashi frowned. He left, unhappy once more.

 

Kei waited a few moments in silence, staring at his hands. He opened and closed them. Blood still flowed through his bodies. His extremities still worked. He was alive, and so was Tadashi. Standing up, he wandered back to the gym, hiding behind the half-shut door. He watched Tadashi as he floated around, helping people in whatever way he could, a smile on his face. Kei knew it was a fake smile.

 

Then again, was there time for real smiles?

 

Kei watched as Tadashi sat down to dinner, chattering excitedly to Hinata and Yachi about something. Even from his position hidden by the door, Kei could see lingering sadness in Tadashi’s eyes. Then, Hinata said something, and just for a moment, Tadashi really smiled. Moments later, he laughed at a joke told by Tanaka who had joined their little group.

 

Tadashi ate his dinner. He even got seconds. Suga handed out brownies, god-knows-where he got them from. People trickled back from their mission to scour the city for food and other supplies. Slowly but surely, Karasuno huddled in a group, eating and exchanging stories. They looked like a family, and Tadashi fit in perfectly. He was happy, or as happy as one could be in such a situation.

 

Kei could feel a smile tugging at his lips watching his best friend be so cheerful.

 

Daichi appeared next to Kei out of nowhere. It took all of his self control not to jump and squeal like a little girl. He scowled, automatically putting on his irritated act. Which, to be fair, was hardly an act at the very moment. “What do you want?”

 

“Nothing, really,” Daichi answered, a suspicious smile on his face. He dug around in the plastic bag he was caring and held out a little box for Kei. Kei opened the box and was surprised to see a charger that was compatible with his iPod. “It’s for you. Kind of like a welcoming gift, I guess. I was told you like listening to music, but your charger cable recently broke. So …”

 

Daichi trailed off awkwardly. It was obvious he wasn’t used to being so generous, especially about something like a charger. He scratched the back of his neck and shrugged, walking away. Kei called after him, “Thank you. For this.”

 

Daichi waved his hand in the air dismissively and walked away to join Suga, who leaned over and whispered something. Kei watched as Daichi turned an interesting shade of red. He wondered what Suga had told him, but it didn’t really matter.

 

Kei turned his gaze to the charger in his hands, and then to Tadashi grinning like an idiot. The previous smile came back, tugging at the sides of his lips. Maybe it wouldn’t be that awful here, even with Kageyama wandering around. He could always beat him up later if he wanted to.

 

Tadashi called out Kei’s name and waved him over. He smiled brightly, handing him a plateful of food that looked ridiculously delicious. Kei sat down and began to eat, acutely aware of the gazes of many different people. But then he gobbled the food up, and the group broke into appreciative grins. Apparently, he had passed some sort of test. Whatever. It didn’t matter, the food was the best he had had in ages.

 

And Tadashi was beaming.

  
That’s all that mattered, really. Tadashi deserved to be happy, and if he was happy with this bunch of misfits, then they would stay the winter. Kei shook his head to himself, and let himself be dragged into the conversation. 


	4. then it clicked

_Good morning, and hello! You’re listening to the daily report. Today is Tuesday, December 1st. Happy first day of December, everyone at the daily report hopes you all will survive the winter. The weather, as expected of the beginning of December, will be dropping. During the day, it’ll be chilly, but once the sun sets it will be getting dangerously cold._

_Be careful!_

_According to Shiratorizawa Information Depot, the percentage of humans being turned into Ghosts are at an all time low, thanks to all the information of what can turn a person into a Ghost. There are only approximately thirty thousand people being turned into Ghosts across the country per month, a significant decrease since Z-Day. Shiratorizawa’s Captain, Ushiwaka also says that if the defense groups keep up their good work, and people avoid being turned, that the Ghosts should be eradicated in the next six months._

_Let’s hope so!_

_For the mid-week Ghost report, the Seijou Division moved out to retake Sector 4 and are currently in heated battle. The Fukurodani Division completed their mission to defeat the Ghosts of Sector 14, and the Sector is clear to travel through. The unnamed Division from last week, we now know as Karasuno has completely finished eradicating Sector 13, including the remnants of Ghosts from the outer Districts._

_I repeat, Sector 13 and 14 are clear._

_That is all the updates as of today. Remember to check back in tomorrow for more updates on the Defense Divisions. Have a good day, and remember, don’t die --_

 

Daichi turned the radio off, looking more irritable than usual. He hated the ending of the daily report too, and suddenly, Kei appreciated him more than ever. Everyone turned expectantly to Kei, even Tadashi who was standing next to him, and he felt a twinge of scrutiny.

 

But it was fine. They were welcome here.

 

“So…” Kei started, looking over the majority of the group called Karasuno who had gathered to listen to the daily report. The group had finished scouring the city for extra supplies the day before, and Kei was finally ready to be apart of the group. He always got jumpy if he wasn’t productive. The habit had probably formed from always being on the run. “If Tadashi and I are going to be apart of Karasuno, I need to know everyone and their specialities.”

 

Daichi looked around, and when no one stepped up to talk to Kei, he sighed. “As you know, I’m the captain. I contact the other defense groups, the information depot, and the daily report, letting them know how our group is coming. I also make up the plans and I have a walkie talkie with me at all times so I can let the fighters know what’s going on. We have several different types of fighters, but we prefer to use bows and arrows, since it’s possible to reuse arrows.”

 

“That’s why you had ribbons attached to them!” Tadashi gasped, understanding. It was a genius idea. “Are the colors coordinated to a specific person?”

 

“Yup. White are Suga’s arrows, and black are Ennoshita’s arrows. They’re our best archers,” Daichi explained, pointing to the two men respectively. Tadashi was wide-eyed and nodded. Kei just listened with interest. If he was going to be in the group, he wanted to know everything. Daichi continued his introduction of the group, gesturing to each person as necessary. “Asahi, Narita, and Kinoshita are our medics. They all specialize in different areas, though they all know basics of first aid. Tanaka and Nishinoya are in charge of distractions and explosions.”

 

Kei raised an eyebrow, wondering aloud, “Were they the ones who came up with the idea of blinding the Ghosts with the car headlights?”

 

“Yup, that was us!” Two voices chimed in obnoxiously, hitting Kei on the back entirely too hard. He scowled and took a few steps away from them, closer to Daichi. He had already noticed that though Daichi seemed caring, he definitely wasn’t a pushover. The entire group both listened to him and respected him. That was hard to find in a leader.

 

Kei gestured for the captain to continue.

 

“Kageyama and Hinata are our newest additions, but they are both valuable. Kageyama is a sniper, the only one who really uses guns. Hinata, ah, as you noticed, is extremely skilled in hand-to-hand combat. They work well together, almost as a duo. Kageyama watches from above so Hinata doesn’t have to worry, and focus on his hand-to-hand combat skills.” Hinata blushed, happy with the compliments, mumbling something that was probably stupid. Kageyama only looked proud, Kei noted. He still hated him, but he would have to co-exist with him if they wanted to stay for the winter. Daichi finished his explanation with the girls of Karasuno. “Yachi is our main cook, though Kinoshita helps as well. Kiyoko, well, she’s our engineer. She makes everything, fixes everything. Karasuno couldn’t survive without her.”

 

He pointed to a beautiful woman in the corner of the gym, busy with something or another. Kei wondered if it was hard to be a girl with so much testosterone in one place. Apparently, not that difficult. He watched as Tanaka and Nishinoya crept over to her, trying to seem manly. She ignored them, and he could audibly hear their heart’s break and the life being sucked out of them, while Tanaka wailed about how it turned him on to be ignored by Kiyoko.

 

Kei smirked. He liked her already.

 

“What are you two good at?” Kageyama asked, frowning slightly and watching Kei with contempt. It was a good question, and Daichi would have asked it, but the way Kageyama asked it made Kei irritated.

 

“I’m good at everything,” Kei drawled in response, starting a silent challenge. He raised a single eyebrow to provoke him. When Kageyama didn’t respond, he huffed and continued, “I kill Ghosts. What else is there?”

 

There was a hostile pause.

 

“Um, I’m pretty good with a bow and arrow, I guess,” Tadashi said quickly, trying to switch the conversation over to him. Who knows what would happen if Kei and Kageyama went at it again. Daichi turned to him, interested. “Uh, but I think my arrows are slightly different. Um. Yeah. It doesn’t matter, though, I can do anything to help.”

 

Karasuno was quiet, watching both newcomers with mild interest. Daichi smiled and stepped forward once again. He looked behind him, and at once, the group bowed politely. (Kei had to stop himself from laughing when Suga pushed Kageyama’s head down). In unison, they announced, “Welcome to Karasuno!”

 

Kei looked sideways at his best friend, surprised to see him blushing and overemotional. Well, that was okay, he guessed. As long as Tadashi was happy, Kei could endure anything and anyone. After all, he had made a promise.

 

* * *

 

 

That night, after Tadashi had went around introducing himself, Kei sat on the stoops of the gym. He watched the night, small critters running around. The sky was extraordinarily beautiful that night. Crisp and beautiful. No clouds, pollution had been lessening, away from lights. He hadn’t seen the stars that beautiful since Akiteru took him camping. _No_ , he told himself, _you can’t reminisce about the past. Not when all you have left is the future._ So he did what he did best. He frowned, crossed his arms, and hated the world.

 

He didn’t know how long he had sat outside. Long enough for him to get cold. Winter really was coming. Kei hated the winter, it was cold and snow was a nightmare. Maybe he should just sit out here and die of hypothermia. That’d get him away from this messed up world. But he can’t think that way. Not when he has something to live for.

 

Some _one_ to live for.

 

Tadashi.

 

His reason for living was his best friend. The only person he had ever loved besides his family. At this point, he didn’t even know what type of love. There were more important things to worry about. Such as the apocalypse. He just knew it was love. Sometimes, he wished he was strong enough to actually tell Tadashi that.

 

_I love you._

 

Were those words really that hard?

 

Did it matter what type of love it was?

 

Suddenly, Kei understood all those poems and songs about having an existential crisis at night. There was something about the stars, so pure, that made Kei want to tell everyone the truth. To appreciate people. Honestly, he had no fucking clue what he was doing in life. Even before the Ghosts, he didn’t know where he was going to college. What he wanted to be. Who he was.

 

All he knew was that he would make sure Tadashi would live. Even if it killed him. Someone that nice, that pure, they deserved to live. Kei couldn’t protect Tadashi before, but he would now. That’s the reason he would live. He couldn’t die of hypothermia quite yet.

 

Kei stretched his legs out and decided he could stay outside for a bit longer. It was better that way. Farther away from Kageyama. Completely silent. Until a soft, charming voice spoke.

 

“Mind if I sit with you?”

 

He looked up. Suga. There wasn’t an official title of vice-captain, not in a Ghost killing division. But if there was, Suga would have it. He seemed like such a sweetheart, nice and timid. Kei had heard from Nishinoya and Narita that Suga was actually the one to be scared of. Daichi was responsible and the captain, but Suga was the only one that could sass him.

 

“Sure.”

 

Kei scooted over on the stairs, leaving plenty of space between them. Suga sat down, legs stretched out, one ankle resting on the other. His hands were palm down on the concrete behind him. He looked as if he didn’t have a care in the world.

 

Unlikely, given the circumstances.

 

“Nice night, isn’t it?” Suga asked conversationally. He took a deep breath, inhaling the specific scent of winter. Kei just nodded: he didn’t know them yet, he couldn’t gauge what type of person he was. It was especially uncomfortable when Suga stared at him, trying to do the same thing. Unfortunately, Suga had more luck. He smiled slowly and gave Kei a look that was both comforting and pitying. Trying again at conversation, Suga asked, “Do you know any of the constellations? I barely even know the North Star.”

 

Kei snorted. It was an obvious ploy for getting him to talk. A good ploy, though. He extended his arm to the sky, pointing out different constellations. Cetus. Pisces. Aries. Eridanus. He traced each constellation with his fingers, drawing the stars together. Kei doubted Suga actually saw the constellations he was pointing out, but it was still nice.

 

“There’s also Canis Major. It kind of looks like a fucked up firework,” Kei said, tracing the shape of the constellation. He let his hand fall. It was cold, and he was tired. “These are only the autumn and winter constellations though. They’re different in the spring and summer.”

 

“Mm,” Suga hummed, happy just to watch the stars. He turned towards Kei and smiled. “So you know a lot about space and astronomy, huh?”

 

Kei shifted uncomfortably and rubbed his hands together for warmth. He could have easily gotten up and went inside, but somehow, this was nice. Who knows when he’d ever be able to show off his knowledge of astronomy? There wasn’t time for thinking about trivial things like that. He’d have to enjoy this while it lasts.

 

“I had a telescope when I was a kid. And …” Kei trailed off, a bad memory surfacing. Even the good memories of his brother would be bad. He scowled, and Suga put a comforting hand on his shoulder. There was something about Suga that made him want to open up. So he did. “And my brother took me camping a lot. We’d lie under the stars in our sleeping bags after eating s'mores. He’d point out the constellations, telling me stories about them. To this day, I still don’t know if those stories were true or not.”

 

Suga looked at him sympathetically. He was quiet for a second, before asking, “Did you lose your brother?”

 

Kei blew a long breath out. The temperature had dropped enough that he could see his breath. He took another deep breath and said, “Yeah. I did. One of the firsts.”

 

“I’m sorry,” Suga said. But it wasn’t annoying unlike when everyone else apologized. He meant those words from deep down in his soul. Kei nodded his thanks, which were actually sincere. Suga looked away from him, staring out at nothing. “I lost someone too. A lot of people, actually. My entire family. My close friend, Michimiya. I even lost my dog, however silly that seems. Daichi is the only one that I still have. From before.”

 

“What about Asahi? Aren’t you guys close?”

 

Suga laughed, a weird noise in the silence of the night. He nodded and smiled, looking wistful. “Daichi and I met Asahi the day after Z-Day. So he’s the second person I’ve known the longest. But there’s something about knowing someone before, rather than after, you know?”

 

Kei nodded again. He did know. He knew plenty. There were two Tadashis he knew. One was pre-Z-Day Tadashi, his upbeat, childhood friend. The other was post-Z-Day Tadashi, who was quieter than ever, sunken and sad eyes. Yes, he knew what the difference was.

 

He decided he liked Suga.

 

They sat in silence for a few more minutes until the cold got unbearable. Kei smiled softly at Suga then stood and went inside. Much warmer, but not better. Suga didn’t come inside with him. Rather, he stayed out side, his eyes sad and full of nostalgia. Kei watched as Daichi went outside and sat down with him, wrapping an arm around Suga.

 

Kei wanted that, too. He didn’t know what time it was, but he knew it was late. Nearly everyone was asleep already, including Tadashi. He tiptoed around the sleeping area, careful not to step on anyone.

 

(Except Kageyama. He may have stepped on his fingers.)

 

Settling down on his spot next to Tadashi, he realized he was still cold. Kei scooted closer to Tadashi and slipped his hand underneath his shirt. When his cold fingers met bare skin, Tadashi yelped and jerked awake.

 

“Shh, don’t wake everyone up, jeez,” Kei said, trying not to smirk.

 

Tadashi turned to him and crossed his arms, pouting. He hmph’d and punched Kei playfully. “You’re such a jerk, Kei.”

 

“Go back to bed, Tadashi,” Kei said.

 

Tadashi followed his direction and laid back down in his sleeping bag. Kei laid down as well, scooting close enough for that to be called spooning. His face heated up while the rest of his body stayed cold. He wrapped his arms around Tadashi. For warmth. Of course. Just warmth.

 

“Is this okay? I’m cold. You’re like, a walking heater.”

 

Kei felt Tadashi relax a bit in his arms and mumble something into his pillow. He nudged his friend, telling him to be louder. Tadashi turned in his arms to face Kei. Suddenly, he was too close. But Kei couldn’t bring himself to move. Tadashi’s face was red, and he was so cute.

 

So cute.

 

“Yeah, Kei. This is fine.”

 

The words were playfully, and Tadashi grinned at his friend. Perhaps they were way too close. Maybe they couldn’t cuddle like that if they were just friends. But then Tadashi laughed, and Kei didn’t know how he felt. He knew that his laugh was one of Kei’s favorite sounds, but he didn’t know it like _that_.

 

Then it clicked.

_Oh god._

_  
I’m in a fucking zombie apocalypse and I’m in love with my best friend. _


	5. beginning to know you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an extra long chapter. kei begins to like everyone at karasuno. the end is more angsty than usual and honestly i was tearing up while writing it haha. i love me some hinata/tsukishima heart-to-hearts  
> HELL FUCKIN YA KEI CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT it might be kinda rushed but idgaf  
> also yes the title of the chapter is from the king and i :^)

_Falling. He was falling. Kei didn’t know why or how he was falling, but he knew that he was. He was falling and the ground wasn’t coming any closer. The darkness surrounded him, making it impossible to see where he was. The only sound was wind rushing by him. If he didn’t know better, he might have thought he was stationary._

_But no._

_He was falling._

_The darkness turned to light, and then to memories. It was almost like watching an old-timey movie, each memory on a frame, flashing by as he fell. Most of them were of Akiteru and Tadashi, both separate and together. Some with his mom and embarrassing family dinners. There was that one memory, when he refused to do show &tell at his school and got yelled at by his teacher. When he first met Tadashi, their volleyball career together. When he learned how to drive. His 7th birthday, when Akiteru bought him a stuffed dinosaur. He had pretended to be embarrassed, but he loved it._

_Was he dead? Was his life passing right before his eyes? He didn’t remember dying. Everyone from Karasuno had been safe after their most recent Ghost raid. Not a scratch. Did Kei die and forget that he died?_

_Then the memories changed._

_They became recent memories, after Z-Day._

_His brother died. Ghosts attacked. He ran away with Tadashi. They met a bunch of people. They nearly get killed by Ghosts but are saved by Karasuno. Kei, against what he wanted to do, stayed with Karasuno. They fought to eradicate the Ghosts, one District at a time. A month passed._

_His memories weren’t memories anymore. Now they were the future. Worst case scenario. Premonitions._

_The Ghosts come back full-fledged and determined. The Defense Divisions are killed off one by one, dwindling to insanely low numbers. People are dying left and right, their organs ripped out and lying on the ground. Blood is splattered everywhere. It’s a horror movie, but it’s real._

_Oh._

_It’s a nightmare._

_Everyone Kei had come to think of as friends were dying in front of him. Suga, Daichi, Hinata. Even Kageyama was on the ground, writhing in pain. Kei looked down at his hands. Blood. His hands were blood-stained. When he looked up, there was a mirror. He was paler than he ever had been in his life. His eyes were sunken and his face was skinny enough to show the bones. He looked like death._

_He was death._

_Kei was a Ghost, and he had killed everyone. Karasuno lay below him, all dead and dying. Frantic, Kei glanced around. Where was Tadashi? Where was -- He felt a sudden weight in his arms. Slowly, carefully, he looked down. He screamed, a blood-curtling, emotional scream._

_Tadashi was in his arms, his throat slashed just like Hikaru. He was bleeding from a hundred other cuts and gashes on the rest of his body. Yet, somehow, he was still alive. His breathing was short, choking on each breath he took, more blood spilling from his throat by the second. Tadashi looked up at Kei, smiling softly, the most loving smile Kei had ever seen._

_Kei didn’t even know he was crying until Tadashi reached up, with the last of his strength, to wipe his tears away. Tadashi sat up, trying so hard, struggling just to move an extremity. He opened his mouth to speak, but it wasn’t him. It was his voice, but at the same time, it wasn’t him._

_“It’s all your fault, Kei. All of us are dead and it’s all your fault.”_

_This isn’t Tadashi. It can’t be._

_“You’re right, Kei. I’m not Tadashi,” the phantom in his arms snarled. The appearance changed from Tadashi to a faceless demon. “Your Tadashi died long ago.”_

_“That’s not possible,” Kei told the demon. This was a dream, a nightmare, he knew what was real and what wasn’t. He had gone to bed the night before after a productive day with Karasuno. He was alive. Karasuno was alive. Tadashi was alive and well. “This is a nightmare! This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t real. This isn’t --”_

_“It will be.”_

 

Kei woke up in a cold-sweat, glancing around nervously. He reached blindly next to himself, searching for Tadashi. Once he felt the familiar lump next to him, he could finally breathe. He took a few moments for himself to calm himself down, evening out his breathing.

 

“Did you have a nightmare, Kei?” Tadashi asked sleepily, peeking out from under his sleeping bag. Kei nodded jerkily. Tadashi opened his arms and Kei fit perfectly in them, cuddling up to the human heater. There was a quiet humming, and fingers carded through his hair gently. “It’s been awhile since you’ve had a nightmare.”

 

Kei breathed in through his mouth, out through his nose. Tadashi playing with his hair made him sleepy. “Yeah, I guess. A couple weeks, maybe.”

 

“I think it’s been closer to a month,” Tadashi mumbled, still half-asleep. His eyes were closed and he was breathing evenly. Kei thought he had fallen asleep until he spoke again. “Yeah … the last time you had a nightmare was a couple nights after we joined Karasuno.”

 

“Well, what can I say, these idiots must have cured my nightmares.”

 

Tadashi snorted and shuffled down, curling up closer against Kei. He buried his feet under Kei’s legs and Kei had to clamp his mouth shut in order to not yelp. His feet were freezing! Now he knew how Tadashi was always so warm: his body took the warmth from his feet.

 

“You comfy now?” Kei teased.

 

Tadashi smiled at him and buried his face into the pillow.

 

They were quiet, curled up against each other, breathing in sync. Kei had never felt so close to his best friend, his one love, his reason for living. He felt like they were one person, sleeping, breathing, eating, and living together. Kei briefly wondered when he had thought of them as one person. Maybe he always had. He didn’t think much more after that; instead, he fell asleep, curled up with Tadashi.

 

* * *

 

 

The days at Karasuno went by as routinely as it was possible to in an apocalyptic world. Kei woke up with Tadashi and they ate breakfast together with the rest of the defense group. They went to different districts, herding the Ghosts to one place, and killed them all. Some days it was harder than others.

_“Behind you!” Tadashi screamed, pointing at a straggling Ghost behind him. Kei whipped around, gun in hand, but the Ghost was already there. A gunshot. The Ghost fell dead in front of him, and Kei had blood splattered all over his face._

_Kei looked up at the rooftop. Kageyama was smirking the most annoying smirk, and Kei rolled his eyes. Figures he’d be saved by the person he hated the most. He gave Kageyama the finger and proceeded to kill more Ghosts than anyone combined._

 

Most of the time, though, it was easy.

 

They lured the Ghosts to one place, and took care of them. Nishinoya and Tanaka had dibs on the first attack, always having explosions and other ridiculous ideas. Hinata and Kageyama went around for the stragglers while Ennoshita and Suga took Ghosts out at a steady pace.

 

Once all of the Ghosts were dead, they would take their arrows back and clean them off for later use. Karasuno would then scout the District for any living people or lone Ghosts, making sure the District was clear. The more Districts that were clear, the better off the entire Sector was. A Sector was only Ghost-free if all Districts were rid of all Ghost raids and double checked by Coach Ukai and his team.

 

After the main scouting was complete, the team searched the area for any usable items or food. The majority of supplies went back to their base, the gymnasium, but some of it went into individual’s backpacks. After all, some Districts that Karasuno eradicates are too far away to go there and back in one day.

 

Kei had gotten used to sleeping in sleeping bags months ago.

 

That was how every day seemed to go. Wake up, eat, kill some Ghosts, eat, and go back to bed. It was routine, and it was nice. Routine was definitely a nice change to all the running and fighting to survive Kei and Tadashi previously had to endure.

 

One day, during a particularly aggressive Ghost raid, Kei found himself grudgingly becoming friendly with Karasuno.

 

_“Why the fuck are there so many Ghosts here?” Tanaka yelled, barrelling into half of the Defense group. They had been surrounded by Ghosts out of nowhere. “Looks like your information was wrong, Daichi!”_

_Daichi’s face was grim. Yes, his informant had been wrong. But it wasn’t like they had never been in such a situation before. They’d been cornered, and they’d gotten out safely several times. It was no different, except now their group was split in half. Their group consisted of Kei, Tadashi, Daichi, Tanaka, and Kageyama, most of whom weren’t skilled in close-range combat._

_Kei stepped in front of Tadashi, and at the same time, held his arm out in front of Karasuno. He’d never let them get Tadashi. Never. Taking a step forward, he reloaded his gun and held the lead Ghost’s gaze. No one moved for what seemed like a long time. Even the Ghosts had paused, waiting for something._

_Then, Kei smirked._

_He darted forward, taking down one, two, five, ten, Ghosts at once. Laughing the whole time, he killed any Ghost that got too close to his Tadashi. Arrows began to whizz past him, expertly aimed to avoid him but hit the Ghosts. Kei heard Tadashi’s voice, loud and clear, full of well-learned leadership._

_“What are you guys doing? Help him out!”_

_Kei heard more gunshots, slow but accurate. That must be Kageyama. He heard obnoxious laughter and small explosions. Tanaka, and his hand-made grenades. What an idiot, testing them out here. Kei couldn’t help himself: he smiled. An idiot is exactly what they all needed to be if they were to survive being surrounded by an aggressive raid. Kei saw arrows with green ribbons attached littering the area, and knew Tadashi had his back. Out of the corner of his eye, he even saw their captain fighting Ghosts. Kei had no idea that Daichi was skilled in hand-to-hand combat, but apparently he was. He took down several Ghosts with his bare hands. Crack, crack, crack, went their necks and skulls._

_No wonder he was the captain._

_He was terrifying._

_A mere two and a half minutes later, the entire raid was on the ground, dead. Kei was bent over, dry heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Daichi was breathing hard, and Tanaka was still laughing like an evil scientist._

_They all gathered around Kei, clapping him on the back and complimenting him. Tadashi hugged him tightly. If it hadn’t been for Kei’s recklessness, they might have all died. Kind of contradictory, but they did what they had to to survive._

_Kageyama stood next to Kei awkwardly, avoiding eye contact._

_“Naf… Knife… Nice.”_

 

Kei didn’t know if he would ever get that stupid sentence out of his head. What type of person doesn’t know how to compliment someone? _You don’t know how to compliment people, either,_ a voice inside his head told him.

 

He told it to shut up.

 

“Hi,” a feminine voice brought Kei out of his own mind. He looked up to see Kiyoko standing above him, holding a bunch of fabric in her hands. “This is for you.”

 

He just stared at her.

 

“It’s a new pair of clothes for you. I noticed yours were becoming a bit ratty,” Kiyoko explained, a small smile on her face. He took the clothes from her and held them against himself. She grinned, nodding. “I hope you like floral patterns. I made them from curtains.”

 

“Thanks,” he said, completely genuine.

 

* * *

 

 

That was how time passed. Kei tolerated the people at Karasuno, and they got rid of Ghosts. Time had passed so quickly, he had barely realized when Christmas passed. Karasuno didn’t bother celebrating, but instead prepared for a giant party for New Year’s. They didn’t have the time or energy to do presents, but they definitely could party for the dawn of a New Year.

 

Yachi and Kinoshita had been working on the feast for days. They had went around asking everyone their favorite food, and writing it down on a list. During the day, everyone had begun to relax for the first time in a long time. Karasuno was spread out across the gym, lazily chatting with people in their small groups.

 

It almost felt normal.

 

But not quite.

 

That night after everyone had eaten their favorite food, (Tadashi with his gross soggy french fries, and Kei with his strawberry shortcake), Karasuno gathered around a campfire they set up outside. Ghosts hadn’t been near them in weeks, and the districts immediately surrounding their base had been eradicated. Just in case, though, they kept their weapons outside and had a rotating guard.

 

Suga brought out the marshmallows and graham crackers he had been hoarding for a special occasion. Everyone sat in groups, chatting happily among themselves, sometimes calling out _what time is it,_ and _is it new year’s yet?_ They roasted marshmallows and made s’mores, stuffing themselves with the food they didn’t even need.

 

“Alright everybody,” Daichi announced, standing up and clapping his hands once for everyone’s attention. Karasuno quieted down and faced their captain. “Tonight’s New Year’s. A New Year is ahead of us in just about fifteen minutes. It doesn’t matter what the year brings. We came together for a righteous cause, we learned, we grew. As much pain the past year has brought us, I can honestly say I’m glad I was able to meet all of you.”

 

A couple people sniffed, but Kei was humble enough not to scoff. He wasn’t that much of an asshole. Suga looked to be on the verge of tears, and Asahi had his head buried in his hands. Daichi paused, looking away for a moment to compose himself.

 

“We’ve all survived up until this point. We have seen family members, friends, lovers, acquaintances die in front of us. But we have not died. We will not die. We will not forget those we have lost,” Daichi continued his speech. He looked mournfully at Suga with soft eyes, and smiled. Continuing to gaze at Suga softly, he said, “We have reasons to fight for. People to fight for. Life may never be the same. We’ve lost people we love, but we’ve also gained people that we love.”

 

Yachi was full out bawling, shoving her face into Kiyoko’s neck. Suga was crying softly but held Daichi’s gaze, unafraid to show his tears. Everyone around Kei had some sort of tears in their eyes. Tadashi slipped a hand into his own, and squeezed softly.

 

“We found people we had never met before. We found people that were willing to fight for those they cared about. We came together, and we fight together. We’re a family,” Daichi finished, choking up at his last few words. Suga stood up and pulled him into a hug.

 

Kei looked over at his best friend and wasn’t surprised to see him crying, too. He didn’t care. He didn’t make fun of him, or teasingly tell him to shut up. Not in such a heart-wrenching moment. Kei wrapped an arm around Tadashi and pulled him into a comforting side hug.

 

Daichi was right. They all had people they would fight for. Kei did, too. He had Tadashi to protect. He even had Karasuno to protect, as much as it hurt him to admit it. They had found a group of misfit boys and girls, all trying to survive and be with another. They all could have hurt and stole from each other, but became a family, instead.

 

Feeling unusually emotional, and completely out of character, Kei cleared his throat. Just loud enough for everyone to hear him, he added, “May the New Year bring us happiness.”

 

The group stared at him in silence. Some with confusion, some marveled that Kei had said ‘us,’ or had said anything at all. Karasuno looked around, and broke into grins. Kei pointedly ignored everyone, and instead pressed a kiss to Tadashi’s forehead.

 

“May the New Year bring us happiness,” everyone repeated back to him. Karasuno broke into hoops and hollers, smiling and laughing once again. Tanaka hit Kei on the back hard, grinning and teasing him.

 

The group dissolved into their own conversations again, slowly counting down until New Year’s. There wasn’t anything to tell them exactly when New Year’s was, just whenever Daichi started counting down from 60. Everyone joined in, getting louder by the second. By the time they hit 10, everyone was screaming the numbers.

 

Including Kei. Well, he wasn’t screaming. But at least he was participating. Finally, after the count down, everyone jumped up into a group hug, yelling, “Happy New Year’s!!!”

 

After celebrating, everyone continues to talk quietly among different groups. Yachi and Kiyoko were the first to leave, wandering inside holding hands. As the night wore on, people got up to go inside. Maybe from the cold, maybe they were tired. Suga and Daichi left, holding hands. Nishinoya was trying to seem cool, but ended up falling asleep. Asahi and Tanaka carried him inside.

 

One by one, everyone left, leaving Tadashi, Hinata, Kageyama, and Kei outside in the cold. Their small group of four sat in a circle next to the dying campfire. Kageyama had fallen asleep on Hinata’s shoulder ages ago, but seemed comfortable enough that no one wanted to move him. Tadashi yawned, slowly drifting into sleep, fitted snugly against Kei’s neck and shoulders. That left just Hinata and Kei awake.

 

Kei stared out into the dark, half because he wasn’t focused, and half to be some sort of guard. Hinata had been the most recent rotating guard, a set of knives within his grasp. There wasn’t an immediate threat, and Kei wasn’t really worried.

 

“Hey,” Hinata said, bringing Kei out of his own thoughts. Kei turned his head slightly towards him, indicating he was listening. Hinata hummed, looking sadly out at the dark forest. “Did you lose anyone?”

 

Kei scoffed quietly, careful not to wake Tadashi up. He rolled his eyes, for good measure. “Of course I did, idiot. Everyone’s lost someone.”

 

When Hinata didn’t respond, just kept staring out into the forest, Kei sighed. He shuffled around to get comfortable, mumbling, “Yeah. I lost my brother and my parents. My brother sacrificed himself to save me. What about you?”

 

“I lost my two best friends, Izumi and Kouji. They were my entire life, except for my family, of course. My mom and sister are fine. They’re hunkered down somewhere with my grandpa. They didn’t want me to leave, but I wanted to help…” Hinata trailed off, sighing sadly to himself. He didn’t continue for a long time. Kei thought he had fallen asleep. “I saw them die, you know.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Izumi and Kouji,” He clarified. Hinata picked at his nails, inhaling a sharp breath. Kei assumed he pulled at a hangnail too hard, but didn’t have it in him to make a joke. “I saw them both die. Izumi had been a religious drinker of that coffee. He turned almost immediately. I remember Kouji had cried, he had cried when Izumi paled. I was just … I was just standing there.”

 

Hinata choked up, looking away from Kei. Kei didn’t say anything, he didn’t push for the details. He may not have been a close friend, but he refused to hurt anyone anymore than they had already been hurt. Hinata wasn’t a bad guy, either. Just … annoying, maybe.

 

“Izumi turned into a Ghost so quickly, Kouji and I weren’t able to run. Not that we would have been able to. I was so scared. So scared … I didn’t know it at the time, but Kouji had been in love with Izumi. He knew it, and he told me that he didn’t want to live without Izumi. That asshole, he was so self-righteous. He always had to do the right thing,” Hinata continued his story. He stared at Kageyama wistfully, and brought a hand up to card through his hair. Kei thought the PDA was disgusting, but kept it to himself. Hinata smiled bitterly. “You know what he did? That bastard, he threw himself at Izumi. They fell to the ground, Kouji screaming at me to run away. I did, but not before I saw them kill each other. Izumi ripped Kouji’s throat out with his own teeth, and Kouji snapped his neck. They died at the same time, killing each other. I can’t … I can’t unsee that.”

 

“I know,” Kei said simply. He looked away, giving Hinata privacy to cry the unshed tears so obviously in his eyes. Everyone had lost someone. Even the always happy, irritating shrimp of a person had lost people he cared about. Suddenly, Kei realized he didn’t hate Karasuno as much as he thought. Maybe he even liked them. Maybe they were his new family.

 

A few moments into the sniffling, Kei heard shuffling. Kageyama had woken up and was holding Hinata so gently, gazing at him so softly, it hurt Kei to watch. They whispered quiet nothings to each other. Kei felt like he was intruding in a personal moment, and he hated it. He scooped Tadashi up into his arms, as much as he could, and went inside. The walk wasn’t far. He made it inside to their spot and collapsed, holding Tadashi as close to his body as possible.

 

“Hey, Kei. It’s alright, you’re okay,” Tadashi told him, blinking himself awake. He smiled comfortingly at Kei, rubbing small circles into his back.

 

“I miss Akiteru.”

 

“I know, Kei, I know.”

  
Kei cried quietly into Tadashi’s chest for a long time. They held each other the rest of the night, determined not to let go. Tadashi kissed his best friend’s temple softly after they had both stopped crying. Kei fell asleep like that, curled up in Tadashi’s arms, and slept the best he had in months. 


	6. god, i love some people sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is the one we've all been waiting for!! :^^)  
> prepare the tissues  
> p.s. the song is from andrew jackson jihad -- people  
> aka the epitome of tsukki lol

_god, i love some people sometimes_

_people are wasteful, they waste all the food_

_people are hateful and people are rude_

_but god, i love some people sometimes_

_cause people are very very special_

_people are impatient and don’t know how to wait_

_people are selfish and prone to hate_

_but god, i love some people sometimes_

_cause people are the greatest thing to happen_

_\-- Andrew Jackson Jihad_

  


It was four in the morning. Kei was tired and grumpy. Yet, here he was, sitting in a small circle with Tadashi, Hinata, and Kageyama. Gossiping. They were talking and giggling like little girls at a sleepover. Kei wondered where he went wrong to be pulled into such a … such a _farce._

 

“Had you ever kissed someone?” Hinata asked, and Kei focused back on the conversation. They were talking about their lives before Z-Day, but none of them seemed to be incredibly unhappy. It probably had to do with the fact they weren’t supposed to be awake, and breaking the rules gave them some sort of an adrenaline rush.

 

None of the other three answered the question, but Kageyama looked pained. Kei smirked and punched him in the arm. “I think Your Majesty has something to say!”

 

Kageyama scowled, but Kei knew the differences between the scowls now. ( _Wow, that’s actually kind of depressing, that he knows the difference.)_ Kageyama’s scowl was that he didn’t want to answer, not because of the nickname. Hinata bounced up and down, pleading for him to tell the story. Kageyama sighed, and mumbled, “I accidentally kissed this girl once. I tripped and fell into her. Our lips touched.”

 

“What,” Kei deadpanned. Everyone was quiet for a second. Then, the group dissolved into a fit of giggles -- like, does that even happen? Was Kageyama out of a stupid comedy or something? There was no way that was true. “Are -- are you serious?”

 

A pause.

 

Then, “Yes. Unfortunately.”

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“What about you?” Kageyama asked, turning to face Kei. He was grumpy looking and obviously wanted to change who was the center of attention. “Have you kissed anyone?”

 

Before Kei could answer, Tadashi beamed and butted in. “Nope, the only person Kei has ever kissed is me! Only on the cheek, though.”

 

“Wh-what, don’t say stuff like that! Don’t answer for me!”

 

Kageyama and Hinata exchanged a glance. Kei’s face was turning red, and looked like he was going to explode from embarrassment any second. Hinata scooted closer to Kageyama and leaned over to whisper something in his ear. Kageyama smirked and nodded.

 

“Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, sitting in a tree! K - I - S - S - I - N - G!” The two sang in unison. They quickly shut up when Kei turned his glare on them, with full force. Hinata hid behind Kageyama, like always.

 

“Shut up! I’m surprised you two idiots can spell kissing!”

 

They kept asking each other questions, talking and gossiping for what seemed like forever. Daichi eventually woke up and snapped at them to go to sleep. They didn’t dare go against their captain. Kageyama was asleep by the time he hit the pillow, Kei could tell. He snored.

 

It was kind of hard not to notice.

 

Kei wrapped an arm around Tadashi, not feeling sleepy anymore. He thought about people, places, memories. So, maybe he had actually come to like Hinata and Kageyama. That had to be the only reason he allowed himself to be apart of their little gossip session. He would never admit it to anyone, of course, but it was important to note.

 

Kageyama was still an asshole, though.

 

An asshole Kei didn’t mind all that much anymore.

 

Kei still hadn’t fallen asleep when static from the radio caught his attention. Karasuno kept the radio on at all times, but it rarely made noises. Except for emergencies and the daily report. Suddenly, the radio started beeping, the same exact sound that was used for tornado warnings. It gave Kei a headache and the chills.

 

This couldn’t be good.

 

It was several hours before the daily report, and the beeping definitely signalled an emergency. All of Karasuno was wide awake and listening to the radio within minutes. A few moments later, the beepings subsided, and a panicked voice took over.

 

“Attention! Attention, everyone! A huge cluster of Ghosts have gathered and are threatening a designated safe area! I repeat, a designated safe area is now threatened! District 12 of Sector 5 is in danger of being overrun by Ghosts. All defense groups near there are asked to head there and protect the citizens.”

 

Kei heard a strangled cry, and looked at Hinata. His face was screwed up in agony, and he cried into Kageyama’s chest. Kei could hear what he said: “My family is there. I - I have to go!”

 

“Fuck,” Daichi swore under his breath. He let the radio go for a few seconds, but the message only repeated. No new information. He turned to face the group, and took a deep breath. “As you know, that District is near us. That is where most of what is left of our families reside. This is an incredible dangerous mission, I will only take volunteers to go. This is _not_ mandatory.”

 

The group looked around anxiously. Everyone wondered if they should go, but Daichi was right. It _was_ dangerous. They had no clue how many Ghosts would be there, they would have to worry about protecting people rather than exterminating the Ghosts. It was much harder to fight if they had to think ahead. If the Ghosts were threatening a designated safe area, then that meant there were too many for the guards to handle. It was a big deal if backup was called. By the time they would get there, there would have been plenty of deaths and carnage.

 

It was a difficult decision, for most.

 

But not for Hinata.

 

“I want to go,” he said, almost immediately. Hinata stepped forward, bowing in front of Daichi. His face was the most determined Kei had ever seen. The expression was on the cusp of the few times the small man was intimidating. “I will go, even if I’m the only one.”

 

Kageyama was right behind him. They had each other’s backs. Kei sighed, stepping up with the two others, even before Tadashi did. No one said anything. It wasn’t surprising that Tadashi volunteered as well. The four of them had somehow become a close knit group, over the months. If one went, the other three would go.

 

A few others volunteered.

 

Daichi.

 

Suga.

 

Tanaka.

 

Asahi looked panicked, and he stepped back. Nishinoya was right there, with him, and they stayed back together. Kinoshita, Narita, and the girls opted to stay behind as well. Ennoshita wavered, but eventually ended up volunteering.

 

Within ten minutes, the ragtag team of volunteers were ready to go. They gathered their weapons and made promises that everyone would come back. Kei wore his backpack, a gun and knife packed away. Kageyama stood by Kei, looking worried. “Are you alright?”

 

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” Kei told him, as the group walked away from their home. The sky was dark, there was no doubt it would rain. Kei’s gut twisted. Everything pointed to something bad happening.

 

Kageyama shrugged, patting Kei on the shoulder awkwardly. “Well, there is a huge cluster of Ghosts threatening innocent civilians. I think that’s pretty bad, right?”

 

“I hope that’s all it is.”

 

Kageyama’s glance at Hinata doesn’t go unnoticed by Kei, and they both sighed. Eventually, Kageyama murmured, “Me too.”

 

According to Daichi’s information, it would only be an hour’s walk to District 12, through the woods. They could only hope nothing too bad would happen during that time. No one really talked. There wasn’t much to talk about. Only soft murmurs.

 

A half hour into their walk, Kei matched his pace with Hinata. He’s a wreck, but still determined as ever. Kei actually admired that about him, how his optimism never wavered, that he only saw the best in situations. Kei wished he had that.

 

“It’s supposed to rain today.”

 

“Really?” Kei asked, aiming for sarcasm, but it went over Hinata’s head.

 

“Yeah. I hate rain. It’s a bad omen,” Hinata said, playing with his fingers. He was anxious, but then again, everyone was. There’s a reason to be, after all. “My family is there, you know.”

 

“I know. We’ll save them.”

 

Kei heard a sniffle, but didn’t say anything. There was a time and place for teasing. Now was not the time. Kei wondered when he ever started caring about this group of misfits. Hinata wiped his face with a hand, whimpering, “Promise?”

 

“I promise.”

 

That’s all they said, the entire time. The rest of the way, everyone was dead silent. They don’t know what to expect, what will happen. All they could do was hope for the best, and sometimes, hope just isn’t enough.

 

Karasuno knew they arrived before Daichi even checked the map. Three Ghosts came out of the woods, ready for an attack, but Ennoshita was too quick. Three arrows, and three dead Ghosts. The rest of the group readied themselves, and they went straight into the fray.

 

Out of the woods, and into the fight.

 

Everything went by in a blur for Kei. He vaguely recognized a few other defense groups, taking down Ghosts left and right. There were civilians running away, covered by Daichi and Suga. Tadashi took Ghosts down like his life depended on it. And it did.

 

It really did.

 

Kei doesn’t know how much time had passed, or where he went, but he found himself in front of a building. He couldn’t even see the woods anymore, or recognize anyone. The only person he could see was Tadashi.

 

Everything was fuzzy.

 

Kei wondered when it began to rain.

 

He ignored all the dead bodies.

 

Tadashi and Kei were alone, fighting a huge group of Ghosts by themselves. Kei smiled, remembering the old times. Him and Tadashi against the world, again and again. Always. Just the two of them.

 

The Ghosts fell, but for each Ghost they killed, two more took their place.

 

More people filtered in and out of view. Kei saw Ennoshita working with another defense group leader he recognized. Kageyama destroyed Ghosts, protecting everyone behind him. There really was no denying it, he really was the King of the Ghosts. Kei saw a group of people with the same hair color as Hinata. They were safe, with Hinata guarding the civilian area. Kei was glad he wasn’t on the receiving end of his glare. That was frightening.

 

Kei was separated from Tadashi for a little bit after that, fighting side by side with Kageyama. Tadashi found him again, and they fought. They fought, and they fought, and they fought. Soon, Kei couldn’t step anywhere without accidentally stepping on a corpse.

 

The amount of Ghosts slowed down, eventually. But only after Kei was physically exhausted, his breathing hard and rough. So much time had passed, Kei could feel the chill from the rain in his bones. He wondered if he would get sick. He hoped not.

 

The street he was on had few Ghosts left, and somehow he knew the rest of the streets were slowing down as well. A gut feeling, probably.

 

Kei stalked down the street, looking in alleyways for extra Ghosts. Kageyama and Tadashi were working together, within eyesight of Kei. Everything was fine.

 

Everything went from fine to complete Hell in a matter of seconds, and, suddenly, everything was _not_ fine. A Ghost materialized out of the darkness, grabbing Tadashi and sinking its teeth into his side. It was so unlikely, such dumb luck that Kei barely realized it had happened.

 

Everything was _not_ fine, not at all.

  


Three screams could have been heard. Tadashi, and his wail of pain. Kageyama, in anger, and Kei, in complete desperation. Kei should have known -- he should have known, his job was to protect Tadashi, not this defense group bullshit. His only reason to live was for Tadashi, and he fucked it up.

 

He fucked it up!

 

Kageyama was quicker than him, killing the Ghost with a single gunshot to the head. Of course, the last one -- the last one had to bite Tadashi. What kind of _fucking luck_ was that? Had Kei been that horrible of a person in the past life, to see his one love be tortured by such happenstance? The scene was something out of a stupid movie. It was raining, out of all things, and Tadashi had been fucking bit by a Ghost.

 

The scene looked fake.

 

But it was so, so real.

 

Kei cursed the world and its cruel sense of humor.

 

He stood still in shock, his legs long past turned to jelly. He watched with horror as Tadashi collapsed in slow motion, barely supported by Kageyama’s arms. He forced himself to move. He had to move -- he had to get to Tadashi. Kei sprinted towards Tadashi, shoving Kageyama out of the way. He knelt on the ground and held Tadashi in his arms. It was impossible to ignore the blood seeping from the piece of flesh missing from his abdomen. Tadashi was bleeding out, and even if he survived that, he would become a Ghost.

 

He understood what that meant.

 

They both did.

 

“Kei, you’re going to have to k-kill me,” Tadashi mumbled. The wound had bled through his shirt and onto the ground. Tadashi held Kei’s shirt so hard his fingers turned purple. He looked up at Kei with a soft smile. One tear slipped from Kei’s eyes, then two, then five. Indistinguishable against the pouring rain, but Kei knew. Tadashi, with all his strength left, lifted a hand to touch Kei’s cheek lovingly. “You have to be the one to finish the Ghosts off, okay? You were so … so cool. You saved me so many times.”

 

Kei reached his hand out, running it gently through Tadashi’s hair. Tears fell from his eyes onto the bloodstained fabric. This couldn’t -- this couldn’t be happening. His voice cracking, he said, “Not this time. I couldn’t save you this time.”

 

A few feet away, Kei vaguely registered Kageyama standing there, watching. No doubt wanting to say hurry it up. But he didn’t; he just watched with sad eyes. The difference between then and now was almost laughable.

 

Almost.

 

“I know how talented you are. You -- you have to finish them off. Save everyone that’s left,” Tadashi gasped, beginning to feel faint from the blood lost. With a deep breath, he cracked a terribly forced smile. “You’ll be a hero, Kei. A hero!”

 

“I don’t want to be a hero if it means losing you!” Kei snapped, bowing his head to hide his tears. He leaned forward to press his forehead against Tadashi’s, rocking him back and forth. Kei placed kisses everywhere on Tadashi’s face, as if that would help him live.

 

Tadashi heaved a painful sounding breath. His voice was getting quieter by the second. Softer. Weaker.  “Kill me. Please, Kei. I want to die being a human.”

 

“I know. I know.” He cupped Tadashi’s face gently for a moment, then reached behind him and blindly grabbed for his pack. He pulled out his knife he kept safely in the front pocket. Holding the knife in his hand, he realized how much damage a single weapon could do. He didn’t want to think about it.

 

He decided he would never use the knife again.

 

“I loved you so much, you know,” Tadashi whimpered, his fists still locked on Kei’s shirt. Kei’s arms shook so badly he could keep his grip on the knife. His entire body was shaking. The tears didn’t stop coming. Tadashi gasped in pain again. Everything was happening so quick. “So much, Kei. So much.”

 

Kei held the knife against Tadashi’s throat. A sliver of blood formed around the blade. Tadashi didn’t seem to mind the blade. _Of course he didn’t mind, you idiot, he’s missing an entire piece of his abdomen._ Even when his best friend was dying, all his mind could do was insult.

God _damn_ it.

 

He told his mind to shut up, and let him be logically emotional. His best friend was dying in front of him, he was allowed some fucking sadness, wasn’t he? His eyes began to hurt from the sheer amount of tears. Kei told Tadashi something he never thought he’d have the courage to.

 

“I love you too, Tadashi.”

 

The knife shook in his hand as Kei hesitated. Of course he hesitated. He hesitated, but then he did it. He sliced Tadashi’s throat, and his world crumbled around him. For that last second of life, Tadashi smiled. Kei held Tadashi’s body closer to him, and sobbed openly. He didn’t care if Kageyama was watching. He didn’t care that Kageyama had actually changed. He didn’t care that there was a dwindling amount of Ghosts. He didn’t care if anyone else had survived. He didn’t care if it was raining and if he got soaked. He didn’t care if he died.

 

The only thing he cared about was Tadashi, and now he was dead.

 

Kei rocked back and forth.

 

 _Tadashi’s dead. Tadashi’s dead. Tadashi’s dead. Tadashi’s dead. Tadashi’s dead._ It repeated in his mind, that was the only thing he could think. His best friend, the person he had loved, his reason for living was gone forever.

 

Kei looked up at the sky and screamed until his lungs burned.

 

* * *

 

 

Kageyama watched Tsukishima with sad eyes. He may not have been as close to Tsukishima as he was with Hinata or Yamaguchi, but it hurt to watch. His heart broke in half, and he looked away. It was still pouring, and they had been there for a half hour without moving. They had to leave, before any of them got sick. Kageyama knew Suga would give them hell if they got sick in a situation like this.

 

He sighed. He didn’t want to do this, not to anyone, but especially not to Tsukishima. Shuffling over to Tsukishima’s hunched body, he crouched down. Tsukishima’s face was puffy and red. Kageyama rubbed his back awkwardly, and whispered, “Come on, Tsukishima. We need to go.”

 

No answer.

 

Kageyama groaned. He knew this would happen. Grabbing Tsukishima’s shirt, he hauled him up to his feet. When he didn’t move, just stared at Tadashi’s body, Kageyama pulled Tsukishima. They made their way back to the base the defense groups had set up by the civilian area. Kageyama made sure to take note of what intersection they were on.

 

It took five minutes to just get off the street. Tsukishima was the definition of lead weight, and Kageyama didn’t have the energy for this. He let go of Tsukishima for a moment to check if there was anything in his backpack to help. Like, maybe he could lure Tsukishima with strawberries or something. When there was nothing remotely helpful, he huffed. What was he even _thinking_? Why the hell would he even have strawberry shortcake in his backpack? Wasn’t he the one to pack his own bag?

 

Kageyama’s head hurt. He couldn’t think straight, and that wasn’t good for either of them. But this was his duty. He saw everything happened. He had killed their friend, long ago. This was his job, and he would do it. He owed Yamaguchi that much. He couldn’t save Yamaguchi, but he’d save Tsukishima.

 

He felt a hand on his body, and he tensed. A tug. Kageyama turned to face Tsukishima, but he didn’t say anything. Nothing. Except for his hand. Suddenly, Tsukishima had slipped his hand into Kageyama’s.

 

Then, it hit him.

 

Tsukishima always used to hold Yamaguchi’s hand when they went somewhere. Kageyama had always thought it was because they were together, but maybe it was for safety purposes. Tsukishima was probably still in shock, and needed an anchor to keep him down. It didn’t matter who it was.

 

(Or maybe, Tsukishima was so in shock he couldn’t process what had happened. Maybe he thought Kageyama was Yamaguchi. But he hoped not. He really, really, hoped not.)

 

Holding Tsukishima’s hand made moving a billion times easier. He walked with Kageyama without any pulling or unnecessary prompting. That should have made Kageyama feel better, but it just made him feel worse. He hated it. He hated himself for not seeing the Ghost before it got Yamaguchi.

 

What kind of _King_ of the Ghosts was he if he couldn’t even save his friend?

 

The two men got back to the temporary base in fifteen minutes, after that. There was no sign of any Ghosts at all, and everyone was gathered at the base. All the defense groups must have killed off all the Ghosts already.

 

Hinata spotted them immediately, bounding up to them with a bright smile. No doubt, he was about to boast how he saved the day, saved his family. Something like that. But the closer he got, the more he saw, and the more he understood. His face fell. Hinata started to ask what happened, but he never got to. Kageyama shook his head. Hinata covered his mouth with his hands and burst into tears. They didn’t need to say anything, Hinata knew what Kageyama meant. They always could communicate without words, and for once, Kageyama was glad. It meant he didn’t have to say it out loud.

 

It meant he didn’t have to go through that memory again.

 

Hinata ran, probably to get Daichi.

 

Soon enough, Tsukishima and Kageyama were crowded by Daichi and Suga. In soft words, Kageyama told them where to find Yamaguchi’s body. He told them to go and bring his body. Yamaguchi deserved a real funeral, not to be left to rot on a street, with the Ghosts.

 

No one commented on them holding hands.

 

They must have knew better.

 

Kageyama wondered if everyone knew except him. If everyone understood Tsukishima better than him. He wished he had known more about Yamaguchi. There was so much he wanted, but he knew he wasn’t the one to be worried about. He wasn’t the one who had lost the person closest to him.

 

Tsukishima lifted his head up, looking around. His eyes were void of life, like he had died along with Yamaguchi. Kageyama didn’t doubt it. He probably had. Tsukishima looked like he vaguely recognized where they were, and he let go of Kageyama’s hand.

 

Kageyama almost wished he hadn’t.

 

He watched anxiously as Tsukishima walked away from them, tripping over nothing. Tsukishima landed on a knee, but didn’t care. He didn’t even stand back up, just collapsing onto the ground. Kageyama wanted to tell him to be more careful, but he couldn’t. Tsukishima curled up into a ball, and Kageyama knew he had blacked out.

 

Suga brought a blanket and a pillow, making sure Tsukishima was as comfortable as possible. He gave one to Kageyama, too, and he pulled it around his shoulders. Kageyama stared at Tsukishima. Even though he was passed out, pain was still evident on his face. He didn’t know how long he stared at Tsukishima. Long enough for Daichi and Ennoshita to have brought Yamaguchi’s body back.

 

Kageyama hunched over and cried.


	7. found family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 more chapters to go!!! well 1 1/2 lol

“Tadashi?”

 

Kei wasn’t even sure if he spoke aloud. His mouth felt like it moved, but even if it had, he still had to make the noise and form the syllables. Life happened around him, but nothing registered. He was stuck in his own mind, calling out for the one person he loved.

 

“Tadashi?”

 

That time he knew he spoke. He heard his own voice, an echo to match his thoughts. Kei waited. He waited for the response that came every time without fail.  _ Yes, Tsukki?  _ Though he hadn’t heard that childhood nickname since everything went to shit. Kei waited.  _ Yes, Kei? _ That was more likely to be the response. He waited. Or if they were comfortable, a simple  _ Hmm?  _ was often an answer, too. 

 

He tried again.

 

“Tadashi?”

 

No response. 

 

Kei forced himself out of his mind, to the real world. Something was wrong. Tadashi wasn’t answering him, and Kei didn’t know why. He needed -- he needed to get out of the black hole, he needed to figure out what was wrong. 

 

His eyes opened. 

 

Bright, too bright. 

 

Kei blinked a few times, his eyes slowly adjusting to the light. He wondered how long he had been asleep if the light bothered him that much. He sat up, still disoriented. Looking around, he recognized that he was at Karasuno. Well, of course he was, why wouldn’t he be? Tadashi and him had spent the past several months are Karasuno. There was no reason Kei shouldn’t have been there. 

 

His stomach twisted, and something felt off. 

 

He glanced down. Tadashi wasn’t there. He was the only one in the sleeping bag. This wasn’t weird, he told himself, Tadashi probably went to the bathroom. Or maybe he got up earlier than him. There was an explanation -- there had to be. 

 

Suddenly, Kageyama was beside him. 

 

Seeing his face broke the dam wide open. Everything flooded back to him. In an instant, he remembered everything. The Ghost raid threatening a safe zone. The fight. The Ghost -- it -- it bit Tadashi. Kei -- Kei killed him. He killed his best friend, his reason for living. Tadashi was dead. 

 

“Tadashi?” he whispered, one last time. It wasn’t a call for his friend. At least, not entirely. He just wanted to move his mouth and make the sounds for that name. Maybe this whole thing was a fucking joke and Tadashi was really alive. Maybe he’d come out of nowhere and grin that mischievous grin, and drawl,  _ Yes, Kei? _

 

Just maybe.

 

But no.

 

There was no answer.

 

Kei didn’t think there’d be one. Not really. He had always been the realist between the two. Always logic, thinking before doing. Logically, he knew there wouldn’t be a response. Because, logically, he knew that the dead don’t respond to their name. 

 

Fuck logic. 

 

Logic hadn’t saved Tadashi. 

 

Kei realized Kageyama was still there, staring at him. Even the King of the Ghosts hadn’t saved Tadashi. Kei wanted so badly to blame him, but he knew that it wasn’t Kageyama’s fault. It had been his own fault. Kei had promised he’d protect Tadashi. He failed his promise. It was his fault. All of it. 

 

“Tsukishima? Tsukishima, can you hear me?”

 

Kageyama put a hand on Kei’s shoulder, and he jerked away as if he had been burned. Kei and his god damn perception saw Kageyama looking hurt, but he didn’t care. He didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want to face reality. He didn’t want any of -- any of this. 

 

“Sorry,” Kageyama murmured, slowly taking his hand away. He paused, like he was trying to think what to say next. If Kei had reacted, then he was most likely listening, even if he didn’t want to. Taking a deep breath, Kageyama made sure to keep his voice slow and quiet. Like he had to pretend Kei was a scared, small animal. “We -- um -- Karasuno is having, uh, Tadashi’s funeral. You don’t have to come, if you don’t want to… but I think you should. See him one last time, you know? Say, uh, goodbye.”

 

Kei stared at Kageyama. If he had been anything like his normal self, he would have gotten irritated. He would have said something rude to Kageyama. But he didn’t. He just, really, really, didn’t have the energy. 

 

Kageyama frowned, determination showing on his face. He was probably going to do something stupid. Potentially dangerous. Kageyama grabbed Kei, hauling him upright. He looked irritated and roughly pulled Kei until they got outside. Yes, that would have been potentially dangerous if Kei had felt like himself. He would have beat the shit out of Kageyama for even touching him. But he didn’t. When they were outside, Kei looked up. Everyone had gathered there, and it was…

 

It was terrifying.

 

But it was also beautiful.

 

Despite it still being winter, it was warm outside, the sun beating down without much malice. Just warmth. Kei’s eyes moved to the area everyone had circled around. Tadashi’s body was there, in the middle of everyone, on a giant bed of grass and leaves. The sun shone down on him, illuminating his skin just enough that he still looked alive. Tadashi was covered in flowers, all different colors. He had a flower crown so intricately woven that it could only have been from Yachi. 

 

Kei stumbled forward, desperate to see his friend one last time. He caught himself, just in time, and kneeled next to his body. Tadashi’s eyes were closed, but there’s a faint smile on his face. Kei looked down to the wound, but it wasn’t there. There was a cloth wrapped around his entire abdomen, and the flowers covered the cloth. No sign of blood. No sign of trauma. No sign of death. 

 

It really, really looked like Tadashi was just sleeping. Kei could trick himself into thinking that. He really could. It was that easy. But he knew better. Tadashi was dead, and he would always be dead. There was no bringing him back, as much as he wanted to. 

 

He didn’t know how it was possible, but Kei felt so much emotion he couldn’t feel anything at all. He wanted to cry. He wanted to be sad. He wanted to grieve and say goodbye to his one love. But he couldn’t. There was so much he wanted to feel, and so much he did feel, that he couldn’t feel anything. Kei went straight from being sad to a full-blown numbness. 

 

All he felt was the vague sensation of warmth.

 

Kei stretched out and curled his body as close to Tadashi’s as he could without disturbing the flowers. He rested his head on Tadashi’s chest, looking at his face. From this angle, the sun gave Tadashi a halo. It made sense. If there was a heaven and hell, Tadashi would have gone to heaven. 

 

Around Kei’s little bubble, everyone was crying. They all said their goodbyes, but Kei couldn’t bring himself to care. He couldn’t feel anything, not even pity. So what if they had become friends with Tadashi? They didn’t understand. They didn’t know Tadashi as well as he did. They hadn’t gone through hell with Tadashi like he had. Tadashi wasn’t  _ theirs _ . 

 

Tadashi was his. His best friend. His first love, his only love, his everything.

 

And suddenly, Tadashi wasn’t any of those. Tadashi wasn’t his best friend, his love, his everything. Tadashi was dead. There would be no more hearing,  _ Sorry, Tsukki! _ . There would be no more stupid puns that Kei laughed at because Tadashi was laughing. There would be no more hugs, no more late night talks, no more comforting cuddles. Kei would never hear Tadashi’s voice again, or his laugh, or anything.

 

The last thing Kei remembered before falling back into darkness was the smell of burning fabric and lavender. Kei wondered if they all knew Tadashi was allergic to lavender. After that, he knew he would hate lavender from that moment on. 

 

Kei couldn’t even bring himself to say goodbye. 

 

* * *

 

 

Life passed in a haze. 

 

Kei barely realized that he was still alive. He didn’t feel anything, he didn’t do anything. He just sat there, staring into space. People were around him, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. The words went in one ear and out the other. He felt nothing. Only fog. He couldn’t think. Everything felt weird. He constantly felt dizzy. 

 

More often than not, his mind was blank, and his heart was empty.

 

Was he even alive?

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s February 1st,” someone told him, once. Kei didn’t know who said it, or what that even meant to him. Maybe it didn’t mean anything at all. Maybe someone was trying to make everything go back to normal. Did it really matter?

 

* * *

 

 

Yachi brought him a shortcake with extra strawberries. Kei ate it without any questions. His hand moved automatically, his mouth moved automatically, he swallowed automatically. He tasted nothing.  

 

* * *

 

 

Suga helped him up, leading him into the bathrooms. Kei didn’t feel like helping. He was dead weight, but Suga was determined. He felt water on his bare back. Kei wondered if it was normal to not feel temperature from the water. 

 

* * *

 

 

One night, Kei woke up to Hinata cuddling him. He was whimpering and crying in his sleep. Kei felt his stomach twist, and hated it. How dare he feel pity for Hinata when he couldn’t feel anything for Tadashi? When he couldn’t cry, when he couldn’t grieve properly? 

 

He shoved Hinata away. 

 

* * *

 

 

Kei felt himself stand up groggily. He didn’t know why he got up. Everything felt dizzy, everything felt weird. His mind went black for a second, and he found himself in the middle of the city closest to Karasuno. He had recognized the buildings. There were no warning bells in his mind, so he just kept wandering around. 

 

It was nice to be away from everyone. 

 

His mind was foggy for just a millisecond, and suddenly, a Ghost was staring him dead in the eyes. He can feel through his shirt that he was backed up against the wall, but he didn’t remember how it happened. Kei’s first instinct was to panic, to try to get away from the situation. To survive.

 

But then he remembered.

 

Did he really  _ want _ to live? Did he want to live without Tadashi? Was a life without his best friend worth living? The Ghosts were dwindling, he knew as much. Karasuno didn’t need him anymore. They would be fine without him. No one needed him anymore. After all, he was just an extra mouth to feed. 

 

Kei relaxed. He hoped the Ghost would be nice enough to kill him quickly. He didn’t want any of that dying slowly and painfully thing. Kei tilted his head to the sky and laughed, a sound that echoed through the city. When he looked back, the Ghost was on the ground.

 

Dead.

 

And Kei wasn’t.

 

“You should have let me die,” Kei murmured, knocking his head back against the wall. It hurt. But not as much as other… things. The figure appeared out of nowhere, standing above the Ghost’s body with a bow and arrow.  _ Tadashi _ ’s bow and arrow. Kei can feel the tears coming, running down his face. He sunk to his knees, screaming, “ _ You should have let me die! _ ”

 

Kei knew it was Kageyama without looking up. They both are locked in their position, no one moving, no one saying anything. Kei almost wanted to punch Kageyama -- how dare he use Tadashi’s bow and arrow? But that would require energy. Kei just didn’t have the energy to care. 

 

Kageyama was quiet for a long time that Kei almost forgot he was there. He shuffled around awkwardly and coughed. Eventually, he mumbled, “We couldn’t lose you, too.”

 

Kei looked up sharply at him, angry tears falling. He dared Kageyama to keep talking with his eyes. Kageyama was the last person he wanted to hear this absolute bullshit from. But, against all odds, Kageyama was determined to continue. 

 

Damn him and his stubbornness. 

 

“You’re apart of Karasuno, you know?” Kageyama said, grimacing. He paused, trying to think of how to word his plea to come back. “Hinata and everyone else would be devastated to lose you, too. We’re family, as much as we don’t like each other. Remember that, okay? We’re family.”

 

Kageyama turned to leave, satisfied with his talk. He walked away, but paused, thinking of something. Turning back to Kei, he told him, “You have a decision to make. Stay here and die. Or, you can come back, and we can kill the rest of the Ghosts. Together. Like Yamaguchi said. Be the one to finish the Ghosts off.”

 

_ Like Yamaguchi said. Be the one to finish the Ghosts off.  _

 

Kageyama was gone, leaving Kei to his own devices. His own decision. Kei hated him, but he was right. Tadashi had asked him to be the one to kill the remaining Ghosts. He had asked him to be the hero. Kei didn’t like being the hero, but if it was Tadashi’s dying wish, then so be it. 

 

Kei sat on the ground, mere feet from the corpse of the Ghost. He thought, and he thought, and he thought. About everything. All the memories he had shared with Tadashi. What he’d want from Kei. Kei could hear him now, nagging him that they were friends with Karasuno. 

 

“ _ C’mon, Kei! They’re our friends! You shouldn’t leave them! _ ”

 

It was so in character that for a second, Kei was sure he really heard Tadashi’s voice. He remembered when Tadashi and Hinata had pranked him. They thought they were so funny. They weren’t. Kei just didn’t mind all that much. He didn’t find it funny, no way. Even if he had laughed. Even if Hinata had teased him for his weird laugh. 

 

Kei remembered that night around the campfire when he had talked with Hinata. He remembered getting along with Suga. Daichi bought him a charger for his iPod. Kiyoko made him clothes. Yachi always made him his favorite food. They all played games. Kei knew things about Hinata that he was pretty sure no one else knew. He knew Hinata’s past, he knew Kageyama’s, too. 

 

Karasuno was a group of misfits, taking care of each other. That’s exactly what they were. A group of misfits that made a family. A found family. And family meant caring about each other. Family meant no one was left behind, even if that someone was Kei. 

 

“ _ They’re your friends! You shouldn’t leave them! _ ”

 

The power of word choice. Our friends. Your friends. Karasuno really were his friends. They were his family, the closest he’d ever get again to a real family. Kei wondered when it had ever gotten that way. He wondered if he had made friends because of Tadashi, or if he made them on his own. 

 

“ _ Hinata and everyone else would be devastated to lose you, too. Remember that, okay? We’re family. _ ”

 

Fucking Kageyama. That asshole was right. He had made those friends on his own. They were his friends, not just Tadashi’s. They would care if he died. They cared when Tadashi died. They cared. About him. They did care. 

 

Kageyama had followed him, he had killed the Ghost. He didn’t have to, but he did. Suga didn’t have to help him with anything. Yachi didn’t have to be nice to him. None of them had to do anything for Kei, and yet, they did. 

 

Because they were family.

 

Kei felt his eyes water, but this time, it felt different. He realized he could feel again. He recognized the hole in his heart as sadness. Kei hunched over and cried. He cried, and cried, and cried. It must have been hours later when he finally sat up. His nose was stuffy, he knew his face was red. But he had finally cried. He had finally grieved.

 

He would miss Tadashi, of course he would. Kei was still unsure that he wanted to live out the rest of his life without Tadashi. But there were more important things, like killing the rest of the Ghosts. Keeping his new family safe. 

 

“ _ We’re family. _ ”

 

“ _ I love you, Kei. _ ”

 

Tadashi. 

 

Kei sighed. That dork of a kid would be mad at him if he gave up now. He’d be mad at him for shoving Hinata away when he needed help. Tadashi was a gentle person, but when he was mad, Kei knew he had fucked up.

 

And Tadashi would be mad. 

 

Kei sighed again, pushing himself up. He stood up and stared at the sky. It had gotten colder, a drastic change to the warmth he had felt earlier. Kei wiped his face, his tears had finally stopped. Stepping over the Ghost, he walked around the city for a bit. He realized it was the same city that Karasuno had saved him and Tadashi, all those months ago.

 

How appropriate. 

 

He wandered around, careful of any straggling Ghosts. There wouldn’t be, of course, this area had been checked out several times. The Ghost from earlier must have trailed him from somewhere. Kei didn’t doubt it. He didn’t realize he had gotten to the city, so it wasn’t a long shot that he didn’t realize a Ghost was following him. 

 

A half hour later, Kei found the alleyway that he had been sure they were going to die. But they didn’t. Even the same car was still there, blocking the alleyway. The scene brought back a weird sense of nostalgia, even though it had been a life or death situation. 

  
Kei tripped over something, and scowled at the ground. An arrow with no ribbons. It had to have been Tadashi’s. Kei’s scowl turned into a grimace, and he bent down to pick it up. What an ugly arrow. Tadashi had gotten much better ones when they were at Karasuno. 

 

He took a deep breath. With two hands, he broke the arrow over his knee. A symbolic display, if nothing else. Kei threw the arrow back onto the ground. The next part was the hardest, but he had to do it. Another deep breath. He closed his eyes.

 

“Goodbye, Tadashi.”

 

It felt terrible to say it. But he did it. He hadn’t got to say goodbye when Tadashi died, or at his funeral. Saying goodbye did not mean forgetting. It just meant saying goodbye. That was all. Kei smiled softly at the arrow on the ground, and turned to leave.

 

Hours later, Kei was back at Karasuno’s base.

 

Ready to fight. 

 

For Tadashi. 

  
For Karasuno.


	8. our ship will sail again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry this took so long.   
> and honestly it's not the best written chapter either so im sorry about that, too :/ ALSO ITS SHORT so theres a lot to be sorry about lmao  
> this is the last chapter, the next will be a short epilogue!!!!

 

_ Good morning, and hello! You’re listening to the daily report. Today is Friday, February 26th, and a beautiful day! The meteorologists from our weather division would like everyone to know that the next week will be full of warmth, and all the snow will finally melt! Hooray! I’ve never missed the sun more in my life… The warm weather is a good sign for all the crops that the farming districts are hard at work growing. Best of luck to them, then.  _

 

_ And now, for what you all have been waiting for … Shiratorizawa Information Depot had informed us several days ago of some extremely good news. There is only a few big raids of Ghosts remaining. I repeat, only a few raids are left! This is possible, only due to the plan to herd all the Ghosts into a few sectors, thanks to Ukai and his group. Captain Ushiwaka has been coordinating with all major defense groups, and has come up with a plan.  _

 

_ Each defense group is going to go after a raid. Some are paired up depending on the size of the defense group, the size of the raid, and the density of Ghosts per area. If you are a defense group, please listen! The daily report will dispatch each group to a specific district, or to help out with defense of heavily populated civilian areas. We will also repeat the dispatches tonight, so if you forget, please tune in tonight as well.  _

 

_ Also, this is very important. Each defense group will attack their particular raid at the same time as everyone else. This is vital to the plan! Tomorrow, Saturday, February 27th, all defense groups are required to attack their raid at 9 in the morning. I repeat, 9 in the morning. If there are any needed preparations or land to travel beforehand, I recommend doing that sooner than later.  _

 

_ Now, for the dispatches…  _

 

_ We’ll start with Sector 2, 3, and 4.  _

 

_ Seijou, you have District 1, 3, 5, and 7 of Sector 2. Nekoma, District 2, 4, 6, 7, of Sector 3. Fukurodani, District 1, 3, 5, 8, and 9, of Sector 3. Dateko, District 2, 4, 6, of Sector 2, along with adding defense to District 8, where a lot of civilians are. Jozenji, Shinzen, Tokonami, and Wakatani have Sector 4.  _

 

_ Now, on to Sector 5.  _

 

_ Karasuno, you are in charge of District 1a, 1b, 2, and 3. Niiyama and Kita-daichi, you -- _

 

Daichi turned the radio off, and everyone turned to face their captain. He was looking solemn, as always, but he also seemed kind of … excited. Which was understandable, of course. This was the last big fight that defense groups had, and then it’d be over. Everything would be finished, and they all could go back to their lives.

 

Or what was left of them.

 

Everything would never be the same, Kei knew. But at least life could go on, without the constant threat of Ghosts. Kids could grow up without Hell surrounding them, adults could die a natural death. There was an end in sight. 

 

“Alright, everybody. You heard them. Get all your stuff ready tonight before we sleep, and tomorrow, we’ll leave an hour before dawn. We’ll take the bus, just to be safe,” Daichi said, full of leadership as ever. Everyone looked surprised -- they rarely used the bus, only in emergency. But, well, this could be considered an emergency. Daichi clapped his hands once, and everyone fell silent. “Let’s do this. Karasuno …”

 

“Fight!” 

 

Karasuno cheered, getting themselves hyped up. There was constant chatter, and Kei could feel a headache coming on. Thankfully, people split off to do who-knows-what, probably getting everything they needed together. Soon enough, Kei was the only one standing by the radio. He glanced around, feeling lost. Like he needed to do something, but he didn’t know what. Everyone else had a specific job they were doing, they were all productive and … he wasn’t. He was just … standing there, staring at the radio. 

 

Static came from the radio, and a muffled voice could be heard. No one else seemed to notice anything. Kei wondered if he was imaging it. The voice became clear, the words finally understandable. Full of laughter and sunshine, the voice was so familiar it physically hurt Kei to listen to it. 

 

Everything fell into place. 

 

_ You have to finish them off. Save everyone that’s left. You’ll be a hero, Kei.  _

 

Tadashi’s voice. Of course it was. Even now, Tadashi was showing Kei what he needed to do, pushing him in the right direction. Kei smirked. Turning the radio off, he set off to prepare. He needed his weapons, food, a map, and anything else he might need.

 

_ This _ is what he had to do. 

 

* * *

 

 

Kei hefted Tadashi’s bag onto his shoulder, careful not to make too much noise. It was heavy, almost too heavy. But something as trivial as the weight wouldn’t be able to stop him, not at this point. He took a deep breath. Tiptoeing between sleeping bodies, he slipped out of the gym, as quietly as he could. 

 

Once he was outside, he dug through the backpack, pulling out a flashlight and the map. Kei counted the weapons in his bag, making sure he had everything he could take. Four handguns, a grenade stolen from Tanaka, two knives, and a baton. He couldn’t take Tadashi’s bow and arrow, even if he wanted to. He had no idea how to use that type of weapon, and it’d be useless. Sliding a knife into his belt, he studied the map in hand. 

 

When Kei had asked why they were taking the bus, Daichi had responded, saying it would have taken several hours on foot to get to their designated spot. Kei had nodded, mumbling an excuse about how he was  _ just curious, don’t worry, Daichi _ . In reality, he had been planning. He’d been planning for  _ this _ . Leaving Karasuno behind, and finishing the Ghosts on his own. If there was even a slim chance this sacrifice could save anyone from Karasuno, he would do it. 

 

But mostly, he didn’t want to disappoint Tadashi. 

 

Kei scratched at his face, forcefully wiping away the tears that were threatening to fall. This wasn’t the time for tears, he had to be strong. He shoved the map back into his bag, and started on his way. 

 

Throughout his long trek, Kei’s anger level kept rising. He had no clue why. The closer he got to the area, the more pissed off he felt. He was mad at the rock he tripped over, he was mad at the knife that kept poking him, he was mad how fucking dark it was, he was mad at the Ghosts that caused everything to go to hell. But mostly, he was mad that Tadashi was gone. 

 

_ And it was all the Ghosts’ fault. _

 

Even taking a break to eat his sandwich, Kei was brimming with unleashed anger. He wanted to lash out at something, at someone, but there wasn’t anyone there. He would just have to save it for the Ghosts. Show them just how pissed off he was. 

 

The sun was rising, and Kei should have been happy -- it meant he was close to the districts. But no, it just irritated him, the sun was way too damn bright and it kept getting in his eyes. He thought of Hinata for a second, and barked out a laugh. There really was a similarity. Kei pushed the thought out of his mind, there were better things to do than make fun of Hinata right now. For example, killing all the Ghosts so he would technically maybe even  _ save _ Hinata. 

 

What a guy. Wow. Kei was amazing. 

 

Kei laughed to himself, a self-deprecating type of laughter, and immediately went back to scowling. His mind was everywhere, a dizzying flurry of random thoughts, and his body was humming with irritation. A great combination, really. 

 

Approximately fifteen minutes until he arrived, and his brain had the actual nerve to start  _ thinking _ . Why was he here, really? Sure, he used the excuse to  _ save Karasuno _ , and  _ Tadashi’s dying wish _ . But was that true? Was that really the answer? 

 

Yes, of course.

 

If his brain -- his conscious -- could sneer and laugh, it would have. Kei scowled again. Leave it to him to get philosophical right before something this important. The real answer to the question  _ Why? _ was simple:  _ Why not?  _ He’s angry, and there was nothing left for him in the world. 

 

So why not?

 

It didn’t fucking matter. That’s it. Kei told himself to  _ shut up and focus, you can’t die before killing the rest of the Ghosts. _ That would be a goddamn waste. 

 

Before he knew it, he was at the city, and he could see the Ghosts in front of him. They were wandering around like they weren’t quite sure of what they needed to be doing. Kei wondered what compelled them to stay in one city, but it didn’t matter why. 

 

He attacked.

 

Everything went by in a blur. Kei let his body do the thinking, the movements. It was natural, and everything happened so quickly. Kei recognized limbs, strands of hair, pieces of flesh. All of it flew around him. It was disgusting. He was sure his brain shut down, refusing to process what exactly he was doing. 

 

The bullets from the handguns dwindled sooner than he expected. He used the grenade thoughtfully on a giant group of Ghosts. The Ghosts fell, and they kept falling, and he kept shooting, and he kept attacking. 

 

Kei wasn’t sure if he was drenched in sweat, or blood. 

 

Before he knew it, he had used all of the bullets. He was backed against a wall -- why was he always backed up against walls? He was so, so close. There was ten Ghosts left. Ten. Out of the entire group, he had killed on his own. The last ten in the area, and they would have been rid of the Ghosts for good. 

 

Kei barks out a short laugh. Of course this would happen. Life just loved screwing him over. Pathetic. There was ten Ghosts left. He let his head lean against the brick wall, and stared at the sky. The Ghosts slowly made their way to him, like they knew he was still dangerous. He debated whether or not to take the knives and try to kill the rest. At least, that way he would die in action. Not just … standing here.

 

But he couldn’t.

 

He didn’t know why, but he couldn’t bring himself to move. Kei just wanted to give up, he wanted to die already, he wanted everything to be over. He was too tired to die fighting. If it made him a coward, then so be it. He can’t even close his eyes, that would be too much. He deserved to watch himself be ripped apart. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a burst of orange. It came out of nowhere, taking down two Ghosts. Kei had a weird sense of deja vu. Several more Ghosts fell dead with white and black arrows in their heads. The last three were shot in the dead. 

 

_ Of course. _

 

Kei turned to the side to see Karasuno. He doesn’t want to, but he can feel himself smiling. At least, something close to a smile. It might have been a grimace, too. They all grinned right back at him. 

 

“You didn’t think we would let you go alone, did you?” Daichi said, all-knowing and mature, as always. Kei wouldn’t have doubted that he was the one that knew Kei left, purely on instinct. Either that, or Suga, with his instinct to take care of everyone. 

 

“Yeah! We couldn’t let you take all the glory!” Nishinoya burst into the front of the group, yelling at the top of his lungs. Like always. Ennoshita seemed completely bored, and shoved him down without a second thought. Nishinoya just let it happen. No one crossed Ennoshita. 

 

All of a sudden, Kei felt a weight squeezing him way too hard. Hinata had ran up and launched himself into a hug. Kei actually caught him, and they just stood in a hug for a solid minute. He could hear Hinata sniffling when he mumbled, “I’m glad we got here when we did.”

 

Kei doesn’t let go. Honestly, he doesn’t want to, either. Kageyama was the next to join the hug, wrapping his arms around both Hinata and Kei. When Suga entered the hug, that was it. It was a group hug, now. Everyone piled into the hug, and Kei was in the middle of it. He was in the middle, held by everyone, safe, and warm. 

 

Daichi was crying. Hell, everyone was crying. Everyone was crying and laughing and crying some more. God, they did it. They finally did it. Kei could feel himself crying, too, and for once, he didn’t give a shit. This was their time. 

 

_ They did it. _

 

Eventually, after what seemed like hours, the group hug finally dispersed. Without an order or anything, everyone began making their way back to their base. They’re all still in high spirits. Kei hung behind, watching everyone’s back as they walked. He felt happiness, wistfulness, and contempt all in one. He didn’t realize why, until a horrible voice in his mind said,  _ “They still have their best friends.”  _ Kei shoved the voice out of his mind. 

 

For once, it listened.

 

He watched with mild interest as Kageyama slowed down, matching their paces. He cleared his throat and tried to smile, but it came off more creepy than anything. Kei snorted, but Kageyama wasn’t deterred. He smiled again, and said, “I told you. We’re family. Whether you like it or not.”

 

Kei smirked and bent down, picking up a rock. He threw the rock at Kageyama, who actually dodged it. Damn. Kei threw another one, but that missed, too. He scoffed, and told his friend, “I still hate you.”

 

“I hate you, too.”

 

They looked away from each other and smiled.

  
  



	9. epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, guys  
> the end!  
> sorry it's so short (like really short) but thank you all for sticking with me during this ride i really appreciate all the kudos and comments you have given me!   
> <3 <3

 

 

_ WE DID IT! EVERYONE, WE DID IT! I’m not even going to say good morning, because it’s more than good. It’s amazing. Perfect, even. It’s the daily report, and I can’t believe I can finally report this. But I can. Oh my god, I can finally report this.  _

 

_ Everyone, we’re free! All the Ghosts have been eliminated! Everything is safe again. We can go back to our lives. As much as we can. Coach Ukai and his team spent the last week after the defense group attack combing each and every area. They double, triple checked, and eliminated any wandering Ghosts they might have come across. _

 

_ They gave me the all clear this morning. _

 

_ We’re finally free.  _

 

_ Oh my god, we’re finally done.  _

 

_ Let’s celebrate. _

 

Celebrate, they did. Kei thought he would go deaf with the amount of cheering he heard that day. The over-excitable duo ran around the gym, actually screaming at the top of their lungs. Daichi didn’t even tell them to shut up. 

 

They also had a feast. It wasn’t quite dinner time, but no one cared. Yachi and Narita had been working since the day before to make such a great dinner. They had gone to every single person, asking for their favorite food. Somehow, everyone got their favorite food. That’s how much effort they put into it. 

 

Everyone devours the food. 

 

Kei watched everyone, not caring if he was smiling. It didn’t matter at this point, honestly. Everyone else was so happy, and it was kind of contagious. That was his reasoning for smiling. That’s all. Still, he felt like he was missing something. Nostalgic, wistful type of missing something. 

 

Tadashi.

 

It was because Tadashi wasn’t there, he wasn’t there, by Kei’s side. He wasn’t there, making fun of Hinata, and he wasn’t there, falling asleep on Kei’s shoulder. That’s why there was a sense of missing something; because he really was missing something. He was missing his better half, he was missing a part of him. 

 

Kei would always be lacking a part of him, now that Tadashi was gone, but he still had the rest of his family. Family. What a weird word, for this bunch of misfits. They all had came together, on their own terms, and decided that they would be a family. 

 

Incredible.  

 

Out of nowhere, Hinata came bounding over, and stole food from Kei’s place. He had no time to react, he just watched it as it happened. When he finally reacted, trying to reach for Hinata’s collar, he was too late. That little midget was too fast, damn him. He stole the strawberry off his strawberry shortcake. 

 

Now it’s just shortcake.

 

What a jerk.

 

“You need to eat more!” Suga chided Kei, easily sliding over to sit by him. For good measure, Suga put extra food on his plate. Kei isn’t even that hungry, but since Suga asked him to, he ate a bit more than he would have. So he had a soft spot for Suga, sue him.

 

(He had a soft spot for everyone in Karasuno.)

 

Kei glanced over to see Kageyama scarfing down his food, looking like a complete idiot. Apparently Kageyama felt someone staring, because he looked up and made eye contact with Kei. Kageyama tried to smile, but food just fell out of his mouth instead. How cool was he? Amazing. 

 

Yep, Kei really did have the rest of his family. He had this big group of well meaning idiots. Life without Tadashi would never be the same, but at least he had this group. He had this misfit family, and a future to think about. 

 

Yachi wandered over to Kei, and put down another strawberry shortcake for him. She smiled at him and explained, “Because I saw Hinata take the strawberry from the strawberry shortcake. It’s not a strawberry shortcake if there’s no strawberry, right?”

 

“Right,” Kei said, and honest to god smiled at her. Her eyes widened comically big, like she was surprised he had smiled and talked to her. She probably really had been surprised. Blushing, she darted off to gush to Kiyoko. 

 

Kei grabbed the strawberry shortcake, peeling down the cupcake holder. It looked amazing, it had just the right amount of flakiness for the cake part, and a perfect strawberry to icing ratio. Extraordinary, really. He took a bite. Kei was pretty sure he actually was killed by Ghosts and now he was in heaven. That’s how delicious it was. He shoved the entire cupcake into his mouth, not caring what he looked like, at this point. 

 

He reached for another cupcake, and Kei happened to glance at Hinata. He snorted. Hinata had, somehow, managed to shove not  _ one, _ but  _ two complete _ cupcakes into his mouth. He looked absolutely ridiculous. 

 

Kei didn’t want to laugh, not at first. When he looked around at everyone else, smiling, and being happy, he changed his mind. Kei huffed to himself, and gave up. He let himself be happy. That’s what Tadashi would have wanted, after all. For Kei to be happy. That’s all he had ever wanted. 

 

After watching Hinata try to swallow the two whole cupcakes, Kei laughed. An actual, full-on laugh, and it felt amazing. He was happy, and he was  _ allowing _ himself to be happy. He smirked, raised an eyebrow, and said, “Hinata, stop shoving your face full of cake. You look like a damn chipmunk.”

 

“You love me,” Hinata said, through the cake. Somehow, Kei understood him. He didn’t know how, but he didn’t really care to find out, either. Hinata was still smiling, like he had somehow won by saying those words. Kei wouldn’t let him. 

 

Kei grinned, “Maybe I do.”

 

He fully expected Hinata to make a face, but he didn’t expect him to choke on the cupcakes. He also didn’t expect everyone that had heard him to actually scream, and wriggle about like they had been burned. They were so dramatic, this was ridiculous. Kageyama jumped on him, yelling something about  _ where is the real Kei? _

 

Yep, Kei will be fine. 

 

Here, with his family.


End file.
